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125,003 Literary Works • 672,791 Reviews
I really enjoyed this piece. However it needs a few tweaks. When writing a poem consider line length. Variation is good in sentence but not so much in poems. Most of the line lengths are good except the first two. You went from 2 words - to 1 word - to 7. The extreme variation throws off flow. Something else I'd like to mention is the fact that even though it's a poem it should be composed of sentences. Add in punctuation and correct capitalization, capitalizing the first letter of every word may look good but it makes it harder to see the sentence breaks. Don't feel obligated to change the structure but I suggest it. Otherwise I really like the ideas and emotion in this poem. I love the first stanza!
Keep Writing!-Tori