Wow! You're interested! Thank you! I published this book, see, and this poem is in it, so if you want to read it, you're gonna have to buy the book now. ♥
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00J49ZE54
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140,780 Literary Works • 673,688 Reviews
The "that" here is rather unnecessary. It might not seem like much, but filler words like "that" can really weaken your poem, and "that" really weakens it right here. The stanza makes perfect sense without "that", and so I highly recommend removing "that".
This line made me laugh because it was so unexpected. At the same time, it's pretty much the only unique image/perspective you have in this entire poem.
There are a lot of little issues, especially with filler words, within this poem. Overall, they combine to make this piece feel rather general and unmemorable, except for the cold toes line. Now, if you could somehow weave more unexpected images/perspectives into this poem like that line, the poem would be much stronger for it.
You're decent with the punctuation and line breaks. Really, it's time to stop stressing so much about them and experiment more with your word choice and your structure. This poem screams safe when it comes to both, and while safe will get you okay results every time, it won't really help you find your own poetic voice.
So experiment. See what comes out of it. Not all of it will be good, much less great, and a lot of it probably will be bad, but you'll learn a lot, and if you keep at it long enough, you'll be able to produce something really, really good.
Going off of what tgirly said, maybe you could change 'fly' to 'go'? Just a suggestion.
I liked the imagery of the chains, and the internal conflict and confusion. Very vivid and imaginative.
Anyway, love this! Contrast between water and sky, very nice
Love it!
Stay Awesome,
Socks
In the second stanza, I don't think you should end two lines with 'fly,' though I don't know what you could change it to. I like this poem a lot, really romantic. Sorry this isn't a very good (or long) review, hope it helps though.