So if you've read the title and description and everything you know kind of what you're going to be reading. I guess I needed to write this. Please read my other stuff. Life's just tough you know?
When life feels
Like it's falling apart
What am I supposed to do
I can't cry
I won't let myself
I tell myself
This isn't a real problem
What constitutes as one
I would like to know
Divorce, heart brake,
Ignorance, questions
I'm dealing with all of them
So when can I cry then
What if I never let myself
I tried to build courage
I've been planning and planning
And plans crashed
I should stop expecting
Nothing gets done with me
Feelings crash in an instant
So I tell myself they were never there
And so it feels like they weren't
I wanted to save him
I pictured us together
Fingers intertwined with fingers
Where was it going
I didn't know and didn't care
I was in that moment
Begging for it to be real
Begging for more pretending
I'm so scared
I need to talk to him
Someone does
I can't live like this
Laying in wait
I felt like I could do anything
I need to keep it
Things are pulling me away from it
Please tell me what I can do
To stay away from these feelings
To never feel them,
Get rid of them forever
I need to or I just might scream
In fact I almost did
My throat was on fire
Some part of me wanted to
He was standing up there
Acting, being oh so fake
All of this is crushing me
But I only let it for a little while
Then things go back to normal, or the new normal-
or I pretend
And then something else happens
And I wouldn't dare show any emotion
Because I need to be in the grape vine
And they think they have more of a right then us
That they're more like family or something
I don't even know
And they hide things and tell secrets
And they make it so obvious
And it makes me furious
She's an evil, evil woman
How could she do this
She doesn't care
Heartless, thoughtless woman
How can she say such vile, untrue things
She doesn't know the story and it doesn't matter to her
She's retched, terrible
Ripping us all apart
And other families before us
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Canary word: Present
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140,780 Literary Works • 673,688 Reviews
I loved it, it's better without the stanzas, it's like your really rushing to write your thoughts down before "she" comes. Like you're trying to put all of your mingled, mixed emotions onto the paper. You did it perfectly. I really loved reading this. This is my favorite poem of yours, it will always be no matter how many you write. Because I can relate to mixed emotions and my head spinning so hard, and wanting to cry but wanting to stay strong while you do it. And its hard, it really is.
So these are the things you just have to say, huh? Wow, that's a lot of things XD Please, please, please! We need stanzas! It literally hurts the reader to keep scrolling down and down....and down...and down....and down.
Good content but you probably should shorten it to make it less of a rant. We all have things we have to say, but sometimes fewer words have greater impact.
Veritas
Use stanzas/paragraphs/breaks PLEASE! It is so difficult to read if you don't. But otherwise, I love your name (unsocialbutterfly), brilliant, and yes life is hard, and you deserve to rant and what better place to vent than YWS. The poetry lacked because, well it was a rant, thanks for occupying five minutes of my time. Keep Writing!
First thing I have to say, Paragraphs!
Now, I enjoyed the poem, I understood the story, I think. But you need to add paragraphs, and try to make it sound more dramatic, I tend to use 'it is' than 'it's' for that kind of effect I was thinking of. So, I did like it, but just add some more punctuation and paragraphs and we'll have a winning poem here!
So, here is your review. I hope you liked it and take some of the points I made for further edits or publications...