Wow! You're interested! Thank you! I published this book, see, and this poem is in it, so if you want to read it, you're gonna have to buy the book now. ♥
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00J49ZE54
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140,755 Literary Works • 673,687 Reviews
I love this, it's beautiful and poetic and just perfect. I know your probably like, my poetry perfect. But that's it, its simply put, with no dramatic big words to impress anyone. It's straight from your heart to the ink or led ,to the paper, and now to YWS.You did a really good job on this, keep writing!!!!!
Okay, so it was good of you to inform us that you're thinking of entering this piece in a contest. That said, I shall be as honest as I can be. I really don't have problems with it, it's simple poem that goes direct to the point, as with most of today's free verse poems are. I commend you for keeping it simple and not making it too verbose, as some writers might do with this form of poetry. However, I must admit, the poem did seem like a loose compilation of love song lyrics, and makes this quite a hackneyed style. The flow is good, it rolls of the tongue easily, but the fluctuations in the syllables can be too great, good thing there wasn't an instance of such in your poem. I suggest using words more eloquently, or being more creative on capitalizing on this form's rhythmic freedom. Just like how you did here....
The alliteration is superb, and this is a good example of eloquent rhythm.
Overall, it really isn't a bad idea to use simpler words and be straight to what you want to convey, but sometimes, the simplicity gives the poem a predictable, almost repetitive, feel. It's not always about the words, it's about how you use them.
Hey sorry it has taken so long to review this but I'm finally here!
Ok I really did like this. I think I got your meaning and, sad as it may seem, I can relate.
This is a very nice poem. However, there is something I would like to point out.
I think the "I will" doesn't completely fit and upsets the flow.
This is my favorite part. Probably because it's exactly how I'm feeling right now, but also because it just seems like it all...goes together. The flow is nice.
I also love this ending. It fits so amazingly.
Ok, so thank you SO MUCH for writing this because it is, literally, EXACTLY how I'm feeling right now. I really enjoyed reading this. Some of the above posts said that they didn't understand the meaning, but I think I got it
Sorry for this pretty much meaningless review, but I really did enjoy this poem. I want to read more of your work, so let me know when you post things please!
Keep on writing!
~Ktg
Awsome poem I enjoyed reading it. keep writing
Your poem was really great to read but I had a hard time understanding what the poem really means. It does holds something really special but lack deeper feeling. To put this poem at the top, you might wanna dig a little deeper for the want feeling you have. But overall this was really good, hope to see more ;D.
Hm. I'm not sure what I think of this. I mean, I did enjoy reading it, and it does hold something, but it also lacks a few things.
Awesome job.