Slit ch 2

by truealpha

Published December 26, 2013

12+

In there will be blood

A great number of questions were swimming though my head at the discovery of Ryan's eyes. Before I could even comment on it Ryan spoke.

"Surprised? don't answer that I know you are. Now before I explain I'll ask you this: do you know why are eyes are like this?" Ryan asked looking at me with his feline like eyes

"um... a birth defect" I responded in a not so confinement manner

"nope your wrong, absolutely wrong, completely wrong, you could not be even more wrong. How could you even think of that?" He asked making a face that wasn't normal in the least bit

"well I have no idea what your talking about at all so my answer may not be... um the smartest so can you please explain" I stated

"okay but let me tell you... it involves magic" Ryan said coming even closer to me.

"....alright you really are insane. So I'll be seeing you around the hall man" I said quickly turning around wanted to get out of the rest rooms before I lose anymore brain cells. But before I could make my way out of there I felt Ryan's hand on my shoulder.

"wait just a sloppy second Luek don't you want know what you are and what happened to your mom?" Ryan pushed

"okay Ryan, one: it's Luke and two: I already know what happened to my mom... she died in a car accident" I said turning around to look at him when I did that I saw Ryan make another abnormal face

"oh wow dieing in a car crash oh my god she couldn't have died that way man. It's a shame that you've been spoon feed lies all your life it's almost like a book. Now please let me explain you may live your life in fear but it'll help you in some way probably" Ryan said.

Now Ryan did not look like the guy who you would want to listen to. I mean he looks a manic just about all the time. But something in my gut just said I should... I'm probably going to regret this.

"alright fine Ryan explain" I said crossing my arms

"glad you listening, alright you and I special powers, you see there's this weird gene that does this to us it gives us attributes of a certain class and or family of a certain animal. You know classes and families of animals right? what am I even asking of course you do, so anyway were basically across between people and animals were like chimeras" Ryan explained with a straight face. With those words I stared at him for a good 40 seconds, neither of us blinked the entire time.

"were a cross with animals and humans... and magic is involved..." I said slowly "okay do you know how stupid that sounds? genes with magic how does that even make any sense?!" I asked

"it just does" Ryan responded quickly

"okay... alright fine I'll play along. So what class are you apart of?" I asked sarcastically

"good question the thing is I'm actually apart of a family, the felidae which is basically cats of all kinds!" he said that word louder then others "now let me demonstrate my cat like powers by using my sense of smell" when he finished that sentence he inhaled a bit "okay you had three different types of chicken for dinners... which is kind of cool, you didn't put any soap in your hair and you haven't washed your socks in two weeks, which is disgusting" he said those words with creepy smile. Now I'm nervous because he was dead on every single one of those statements.

"and that's not all, you really like lizards pretty sure you have a pet one" he said

"are you stalking me?" I questioned

"no, crossbreeds like us have an unhealthy tendency to get an animal from their class or family. Since you love lizards you must have the reptile class which is a lot animals that you have at your disposal" Ryan explained.

"Um so you have a cat?" I asked

"I wish!" he screeched "my mom won't let me have one. Do you know how it feels to have any cat to come up to your feet and you can't have one?!"

At this point I was still kind of lost, so I can basically use any of the ability's of a reptile.?

"wait wait wait, so I can do what any kind of reptile can?" I asked eagerly

"well um no.... not yet anyway. I'm pretty sure you pertain to one type of the species until you actually improve in using them. I'm apart of the cat family but I only have the attributes of a house cat, if I actually tried to improve I may be able to get to have attributes of a lion, tiger or cheetah which is kind of useless I plan to murder people with my teeth." Ryan said pointing to his sharp teeth

"okay okay, I believe you... now my mother and.... the government" I said in a defeated tone

"since were basically super humans the government doesn't want us around. I mean... were automatically better then the average human all of us, we actually have more durability and better senses then them. For instance: say you and a normal person same age size and height were to fight, you would win that fight hands down. Were basically all a threat to normal people everywhere so boom were targets all of us" He stated knitting his brow.

"so... how exactly do you know?" I asked the obvious question

"my mom told me, apparently my grandmother was a cross breed that survived for a pretty long time they finally got her, before it happened she told my mom and when I was old enough she told me. I was kind of wondering why she made me wear these contacts all through out elementary school" Ryan said looking at his contacts in his hand.

"so what should I do?" I asked putting my hand in my pockets and at that moment he put both his hands on my shoulders

"you hide and do nothing out of the ordinary if you want to practice your powers by talking to you lizard or something then do it in solitary and get fake contacts to make your eyes looks normal. It is a miracle how they haven't found you yet" He said urgently I could see in his eyes that he was being completely serious. I just responded with a nod. He then put his contacts back in and he put his glasses back he then walked around me

"I'll find your house after school and we'll talk about this after school, don't make any trouble and stay away from bunnies" he said walking out the rest room. I still don't understand what he means about that. I just walked out of the rest room pretty quickly and got back to my classroom, I then proceeded to put my head down on my desk. After just having my mind blown I don't really think I can handle Geometry right now.

"Mr. Harper can you please explain to me why you spent over ten minutes in the rest room" my teacher questions with an irritated tone of voice.

"stomach problems" I stated plain-fully she responded with a sigh and went back to her desk. She gave us homework and after about thirty more minutes the last bell rang and school was over.I got up out of my seat and made my way out of school. After two minutes of walking I was on my normal route I go to and from school. In this route I normally walked by a park and I always looked it to to see what was happening. Now to see whats happening today: a bunch of kids playing around, an attractive woman jogging and at the corner of my eye I see... a white rabbit. Now this extremely weird because I have never seen a wild rabbit here in the entire time I've lived in this city.

I looked down at it and it looked straight back at me with his brown little eyes and i thought to myself what a rare occurrence. I continued walking on the side walk and as I'm walking I see the rabbit hopping right next to me at that moment I quickly stopped and then the rabbit stopped as well. I looked down at the rabbit once again and it looked back at me, it's nosed twitched. So I noticed that this rabbit was paying attention to only me, it didn't care about the grass, the kids the squirrels this thing had all of his attention on me. At that moment I started to back away looking directly at the rabbit and it started to hop toward me. Yea this thing was following me and at that moment I remember that Ryan warned me about bunnies...is this really happening god damn rabbits are following me. Before I completely lose my mind I quickly picked up the rabbit and speed walked toward the park, the rabbit just staying silent in my hands. I found a small girl playing in the park with her friends "hey little girl want to play with this rabbit?!" I asked hoping she would take this thing away from me before some more pop up and start following.

"oh sure mister" she said with a cheerful smile as she toke the rabbit out of my hands. At that moment I quickly ran back onto the side walk and continued to run all the way home.

Comments & reviews · 2
User avatar
MaryEvans
Review
MaryEvans wrote a review Review · Dec 29, 2013

You keep using Ryan, Ryan in the first few paragraphs, don’t be afraid to substitute it with “he” from time to time.

You tend to skip punctuation a lot, dots and commas, while often overlooked are important, try to keep the losses contained. Same for capital letters.

You seem to have the skeleton of the story ok, but you need to work on grammar and language in general. Also the most of the chapter seems to revolve around the eyes, something you can resolve in a few sentences, maybe a paragraph and move on to more exiting plotlines. Overall this whole thing seems to be too expository, the dialogue narration everything are all things that are meant to develop the world and environment and that’s all nice and well but you don’t want streams of explanation without anything holding it together. It’s a version of “show, don’t tell” issue where you need to express the rules of the world through events rather than through chunks of dialogue unless they are relevant to what is going on at that exact moment.

Finally, the ending is somewhat random. What’s with the rabbit? Its white, ok, it’s tame, or so it seems so it’s not wild. Wild rabbits are quite aggressive. And why would he give it to a random girl? What if it’s sick? He should have called a shelter or something, put up some posters, you don’t just go around giving random animals to children.

User avatar
Dreamy
Review
Dreamy wrote a review Review · Dec 26, 2013

Hey there, first of all welcome to YWS. Hope you are having a great time here.

"Slit" is a very intriguing title. It's not very often that I read a first-person narration. After reading this, I wanted to go get some books based on first-person narration because yo were very good in it. From the beginning till the end of the chapter you had my attention and it won't happen very often. The plot itself was very intriguing, you had very few grammatical errors and punctuations problem. Let me just point it out for you.

swimming thourgh my head at the


comment on it, Ryan spoke.


don't answer that, I know you are.


Whenever you start a new dialogue, capitalize the first letter of the first word.

Nope you're wrong,

before I lose anymore of my brain cells.

"oh wow, dieing dying in a car crash

Oh my god, she couldn't have died that way man.


glad you're listening,


since we're basically super


and I thought to


Other than that, this is good plot and very intriguing characters. Good luck!

Keep writing!

Cheers!



Look, a good poem is a poem that exists. Any poem you write is better than the poem you don't.
— WeepingWisteria