18+ Language

Slit ch 6

Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language.

"um excuse me? i asked hesitantly as I backed up a bit.

"Don't play dumb Lizard. You refused our offer you to join our group and now we have no choice but to take you by force" he said with a growl as he and his men started walking toward me.

"come on guys... don't you know that no means no" I said as I started to slowly back away from them, I quickly looked around to see that there was no around at all. No cars, no people not even any animals. So absolutely no one can see be get abducted. So now I needed to do the only thing I could: run. I quickly turned around and bolted down the side walk as quickly as I physically could almost tripping over my own feet at the process, they all ran straight after me. 

I can't believe this, I'm literally being chased down the street by these guys because I said no to joining , god dammit. It seems like I'm actually much faster then normal people, I never actually realized this, I don't really have many situations where I'm running for my life. But sadly my above average speed wasn't really helping considering that these men chasing me were crossbreeds as well and were actually faster then me. It wasn't very long before they caught up to me and grabbed at my hair. I was to jerk my head forward out of reach. If I don't think of something soon I'll be grabbed in the second attempt. I looked around to see that I had just reached a small neighborhood, I quickly ran onto someones lawn and swiftly jumped over the gate that blocked off it's backyard. I surprising landed pretty gracefully and continued  to run. I looked back shortly to see all five of them trying to jump the gate as well. I'm glad to see that they aren't really as agile as me, even with my messenger bag flopping around. I continued my stupid plan of running and jumping the fences that separate the back yards of these random people. God damn I really hope nobody calls the police when they see me running though their place. After going through four backyards I could see that those brutes were having a problem keeping up. These guys really can't keep with me if there's obstacles in the way.  At the fifth yard I came across this huge bushy tree and I was starting to run out of breath.

"Well... I climbed bigger trees then this and I need to hide" I said to myself out of breath. My nail sharpened and grew and I dug into the tree and climbed as high as I could up and just sat up there and hopped that they can't smell me. I heard them stop somewhere around the tree, I didn't dare look down.

"Where's that fucking lizard?!" one of them yelled to themselfs in frustration.

"I don't know but this kid is smart, making us jump those fences and that gate. Were sweating so much that we can't even pick up his scent through our own musk. Lets just go before the person that lives here realizes theirs strangers in their backyard. We'll get him another time" another one of them said.

Soon they all left, after about ten minutes of silence I let out a huge sigh relief. I dropped down from the tree and quickly moved out of the backyard onto the sidewalk. There was no sign of those men from earlier. Now I can't just go home, I can't risk seeing those brutes seeing me again near my house. Now I just need to go somewhere public were people can see me and will hopefully help and the only place I could think of like that is the public library. I caught my breath and speed walked toward the public library. It toke about twenty minutes of walking to get there. I would have been there sooner if I wasn't looking over my shoulder every four seconds.

When I reached inside I just sat down at a table alone and just put my head down. What do I down? what do I fucking do?! The only reason I god damn escaped is that they could smell me. The second they cool off and stop sweating they can just find me again like Ryan did. How am I going to go to school? how am I going to get home?! also the fucking government still wants to kill me. I slowly raised my head up.

"Okay Luke calm down you're being a paranoid mess right now, it's going to be okay... it's going to be oka- oh my god it's not going to be okay! being a paranoid mess is all I can be right now. I'm literally being hunted from both sides!" I said to myself in a panicked matter. I was kind of making an ass out of myself in the library but I'm scared for my life. I was seconds away from pulling out my hair when I felt a hand come onto my shoulder. I quickly stood up in surprise and turned around to see a black haired girl that looked around my age.

"um sir this is a library and you're being rather loud so may you please calm down" she said in a stern tone. 

"Oh um, sorry I'm very sorry. Just please don't make me leave... I'll shut up now" I said quickly sitting down. She looked down at me and knitted her brow she seemed to realize how distressed I was.

"Are you alright? was I a bit harsh? sorry I got this job a few days ago and I'm trying to find a balance of being stern but not being a complete bitch you know" she said in a more soft casual tone.

"yea I'm fine, just fine..." I said hesitantly as I looked into her scarlet red eyes. A smirk creep-ed onto her face as she sat next to me.

"You're not fine, come on tell me I feel bad now for catching you at a bad time. Come on Luke talk to me" she persisted.

"How do you know my name?" I questioned.

"You literally said 'Okay Luke calm down you're being a paranoid' so unless Luke is your little paranoid imaginary friend I think I know your name" she said as her smirk turned into a full blown smile as she poked my cheek playfully. I sighed and closed my eyes at my own stupidity.

"well um... I'm having a problem with my personal life. People don't like me just because of how I am, a certain... gang wants me really wants me to join them" I explained as vaguely as possible.

"A gang wants you? oh my god no way. What would  a gang want with you anyway? you look so adorable and nonthreatening" the girl said.

"Well I have special skills that they really want. If I didn't have these skills none of this would be even happening. But thanks for calling adorable" I said.

"No problem, I like pointing  out the obvious. Now let me get you some water. You seem stressed so just stay there" she said as she rubbed my head and walked away. I just noticed that was wearing just a plain black dress with a black bow and black sandals, she wears a lot of black. And shes actually kind of pretty, strange this really isn't the first time I've freaked out in public like this, I'm kind of awful like that but people just ignored me. Maybe it's because I'm wearing these contacts or maybe it's because this is a library were silence is kind of needed and I'm just over thinking things. I wonder if she'll still think I'm cute if she see's my real eyes. She returned shortly with a cup of water.

"Sorry it's not bottled, I don't have any singles on me for the vending machine" She said as she handed the cup of water.

"It's alright, thank you " I said as I drank the water rather quickly. Her smile faltered a bit as I finished it "is there a problem?"

"No everything is fine" she said as she sighed "My names Willow by the way. I kind of wish we met differently" said crossing her arms. I raised an eyebrow in question.

"why is that?" as I finished that sentence I felt my right arm go limb, my eye lids grew heavier and heavier. I could barley move from my seat. I was fading pretty quickly I couldn't even panic everything felt so numb. My eyes finally gave in and shut, my head gave into gravity as I started to fall out of my chair. Before I hit the ground Willow stopped my body from falling flat on the ground.

"Sorry but this 'gang' really needs you"

Comments & reviews · 2
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kevin25a
Review

She spiked the punch bowl lol. Seriously a sedative in water, or tranquilizer maybe. How common and cliche, he is paranoid but when a hot chick walks up he lets down his guard. I'm not insulting the abused cliche you used, just finding it funny how all it takes is a hot chick and most guys become idiots.

I actually started on this chapter but really look forward to your next chapters and would love to know when you publish them. I'm definitely going to check out the others too.

Speaking of spiking the punch bowl though, I totally did that prom day prank once. I was a good student in class, but a prankster during events.

Hello there, I'm TheAppleSolution and I'm going to be reviewing your work this evening.
Anyway, here goes:

The first thing I noticed about this piece of work is that it starts off without a capital letter.
Every sentence needs to start with a capital letter, but with the first sentence of a piece of work it is imperative to have a capital letter. The first capital letter, the capital letter that kicks everything off is the most important of all.

Throughout the piece, there are various lapses in punctuation and capital letters.
For example, on the very first line, you start with speech, like so:

"um excuse me? i asked hesitantly as I backed up a bit.

What you should've included here was a capital letter to start with, a comma after the "um," a second quotation mark after the question mark and, most importantly, a capital I.
Like so:

"Um, excuse me?" I asked hesitantly as I backed up a bit.

Already, by sharpening up on the punctuation and whatnot, the sentence is more concise, more correct and much more visually attractive.
Similar lapses in spelling and punctuation have been made throughout this piece of work, so what I'd really recommend is to try and brush up on those sorts of things. Read through your work a couple of times after you've written it, correct any spelling mistakes and whatnot. Sorting out the small issues can make an entire piece much better in the long run.

Also, something else I noticed when reading this piece, was that you failed to correctly use the comma in speech.
For example,

"No everything is fine" she said as she sighed.

Should be:

"No, everything is fine," she said as she sighed. (This could also be changed to "she said, sighing" but.)

What is important when using speech is that a comma must always go after the last word of the spoken sentence, but before the closing speech mark. This is to separate the speech from the non-speech. Just try and remember to do this in future and you should be on your way to drastically improving all speech in any work you do.

Now, I've been very nitpicky about this piece, so let me now talk about the really, really good things about it.

Despite numerous lapses in spelling, speech and punctuation, your work has a strong, driven story as well as a bold and unique main character. Even though the punctuation of the speech so often runs into problems, the actual dialogue itself is unique and interesting.
Curse words are used several times throughout this piece of work, but they're not used in a stupid way. When swear words are used, they're used to generate a very definitive effect, and it lends a uniqueness to the piece which is quite interesting. Creating a certain feel and effect with swearing is an excellent, unique feature and I think that, in this piece, you used it very well.

Keep on writing, because you definitely have a lot of creative potential.
Just try and brush up on the mistakes you've made, because if you solve them then in the long run, it can only benefit any future work that you do.
I hope to see more of your work soon.



I don't care what the miserable excuse is for showing the death of books, live, on screen. Men, I could understand; but books! -
— Edwin Morgan, From the Video Box 2