Lemon & Honey

Heya, TheColoroftheSky! Your pal Casanova here to do another review!
Anyway- to the review! I promise it's not gonna be too short/too long, and hopefully I'm giving you help although I've been reviewing for what seems like forever now.. I hope I'm not too far off!
Here we go!

I noticed something. In your poems you use,"Tongue," a few times. Try something different for speaking- mouth or something. I'm not /too/ sure about how that would work, I'm no poet and considering it might be hard it would be a daunting prospect. But you don't want to over use one thing- which is what you're on the border of if you continuously use the same thing over and over and over.
The next thing was this,
" She was fixed in the air.

Suspended.

In time.

In place.

In thought."
I felt as this could have become less than five different thoughts. For some reason having the periods with that long of a pause kind of disrupt the flow a bit? I'm not entirely sure how it would work and I see that it is good the way that it is.. But ya know, different ideas to try out.


"She could smell the tart fragrance,

surrounding her with his presence.

He could taste the forbidden sweet,

a phantom on his tongue."

The imagery here is really amazing. I love it- but then again- when it comes to your work I usual do. Again- it's breathtaking the way you describe things. I'm still really jealous.
I'm amazed that a little NEWBIE like you can do freestyle and I barely manage rhyming poetry... HELP ME? PLEASE? BE MY TEACHER? Like why am I reviewing you again.. I'm pretty sure most of the stuff I'm saying is just style preferences anyway.
Oh, one other thing.
"Repetition impresses facts upon dull minds."
I'm going to keep repeating that until it gets stuck in your brain and then you'll have no choice but to follow it! Haha~
Keep on doing what you're doing and keep on keeping on.
Your friend- Matthew Casanova Aaron.

Hmm, this is an interesting piece, probably one of the more interesting poems I have read. I have to say, I'm understand the meaning perfectly, but I don't really understand ALL of the imagery (which doesn't mean its bad, as it may just be me. Even though I like to put imagery in my work as well, I'm often not adept at comprehending in other people's writing lol). Even though I didn't understand all of the symbolism, I really, really enjoyed every morsel of it! For this kind of writing to really be effective, one has to be able to paint vivid descriptions within a certain amount of words (for the sake of flow), and I think you've passed that test with flying colors. As a matter of fact, your use of "fruity" descriptions has me wanting to munch on Strawberries right now lol.

My score; 97/100. Even though I couldn't follow all of the imagery, I really loved all of it. This poem is pretty distinct, and really demonstrates how fun and enjoyable creativity can be. Keep up the amazing work!

hi, i'll be attempting a review of your poem if you don't mind..well i seem not to to see any serious connection between the title of the poem and the whole poem, maybe it's just me, but the link is not clear. also the poem looks clustered together, it kind of discourages people from reading, i read it to the end out of curiosity. I think appropriate use of stanzas and punctuation will make it look more beautiful and flow. nevertheless i totally love the composition, there's a sense of mystery in it.. i liked this part "Suspended.

In time.

In place.

In thought." and this "Clutched.

In time.

In place.

In thought.", it gives some kind of suspense and rhythm. kudos, it's well thought out, impressive work

Hey! I'm here to review your poem! I hope you find my review helpful, if you have any questions do not be afraid to ask. I'm here to help and I want to help the authors who's work I review well.

Anyway onto the review, Immediately I noticed how your poem was a giant text and I would recommend creating stanzas. To help with flow and show separation of thought. I love the title by the way. I'm not sure why but I love the word honey, sort of like I love the wore marmalade. Maybe I just like food xD.

"She held in the air"
'she held in the air'? Like she held her breath or...?

Also I would recommend using punctuation. There were many times when I was reading a line and I felt like you needed a comma. For example:
"But staying still, would surely do the same"

"An attempt to feel her air"
Who's air? and what does that even mean?

"The golden captured his attention"
This doesn't make sense. Using as adjective as a noun doesn't work. You mean gold?

At the end I finally got the meaning and I love it!!! Ugh romance! Ugh people who can't be together. This makes me think of a movie I just watched, Becoming Jane ugh <3 yas. Very well done. I wasn't very confused other than the places I pointed out.

I hope my review helped,
Alice