Let Me Be Your Canvas

Heya, Sky! GooseLuck here to do another review for you! Let's take flight, shall we?

The first thing I would have to say is you used a bit more imagery in this poem than the last one I did a bit ago, and I have to say that it was refreshing. There are a few points, though.

Your first three stanzas repeat, and I don't think I enjoy that much. Repetition is like a fine liquor, with time and trial it can be strong and amazing, but with rushing and just getting it out there it's not near as good as it could be, and I think that this falls under the latter category, so let's work on that. Try cutting it out and adding in some detail that connects the stanzas, instead of starting in with the same exact piece again. Anyway, onward.

The next thing is that you use inconsistent capitalization, and although this is strictly a style preference, i think you could stick to a method and stick to it, instead of it being all over the place t=like it is currently.

The next thing is that I feel like you're restricting the emotion that you put into this and I would like to see it go a lot farther than it already has, so just work work work and try to practice as much as you can, especially with imagery.

Anyway, that's all I have to say on this one and I hope it helped.

Keep on doing what you're doing and keep on keeping on.

Sincerely, GooseLuck!

This is great! I really love the theme of your poem. Maybe make it a little longer though, and edit the last two or so stanzas, as they kind of lose the rhythm of the poem a little? Other than that I think it's awesome. I love your use of repetition and how the lines, particularly in the first three stanzas, all fit together so perfectly.

Hi there, here to review your lovely poem!

So I've read a few poems with this concept before, but I really liked what you did at the end with the twist. The speaker does a complete reverse in their emotions to this "painter" the "paint" goes from something that is art and is almost a spiritual experience with some very poignant even religious imagery (sistine chapel, creation of man) and then goes to "graffiti" and "stained".

I think this piece is really easy to relate to. When you're in a relationship with someone it's like you're almost blinded and it can be like you're in a magical daze. But when reality sinks in, or the relationship goes sour, looking back on all those memories can be painful and give them a new, less-favorable light. This metaphor for two people being in love and interacting with each other being like a painting is really effective, as it lets you describe love in a more unique and visual way.

Overall, I think you had very solid word choice for this piece. All the artistic details were really nice. One aspect I would have liked to see a bit more of is why the relationship didn't work out. You leave one line that seems to be a hint of this, "Shape me into your perfect form./ Sculpt me how you want me." indicating maybe an obsession for one side or the other with perfection, and not being who they are, but who someone else wants them to be. I'd like to see a bit more of that woven in though. I'm also wondering if the religious imagery is part of that at all, or if that's just in there to go with the artsy tone.

I enjoyed reading your piece and wish you luck in your future writing! If you have any questions about my review, don't hesitate to ask.

best,
~alliyah

This review has been brought to you by Team Autumn. Happy Review Day!

Hey.. I hope you are having a great day!
I really enjoyed your poem, it looks like it took a lot of time and effort, but if not, then you are a natural! I like how you made it very symbiotic. I love poems like that.

I dont have much else to say, so have a great weekend and keep on writing!
Kimmycat