Young Writers Society

Hey, Sky! GooseLuck here to do a review for you! So, let's take flight, shall we?

The first thing I noticed about this was the no name for the title, and I felt like that was a good add in on the poem considering what is going on in the poem, but let's see here.

The first line, genius is my opinion. It really does give of the vibe of suicide, but that's not what the poem is about, is it? It's about your life, your hoped and your dreams. Everything that makes you, you is hung in there, and you pretty much just shut the door on it. Anyway, onward.

The next thing about this is the second line, which I didn't enjoy that much. Instead of saying,"slung on one hanger," you could just say,"slung on a hanger." The other way makes it seem as if you're going to be describing something else on another hanger, but instead you move on to the floor and I don't like that transition as good. Anyway, onward.

One thing I'll have to agree with lumi on is that I do not like the hard stops, and I would suggest you read this aloud sometime and try to get a feel of how you want it to be, or need it to be.

Overall I like this one, and it's not as long as your other ones so that was refreshing. If you ever need or want to talk poetry, hit me up bb.

Anyway, I think that's all I have to say on this one, and I hope it helped.

Keep on doing what you're doing and keep on keeping on.

Sincerely, GooseLuck.

To start off, I think that you should put a warning on this, just because of how blunt the first line is. No one needs to scar the younger kids on here too badly. I'd say at least put it at 12+ or add a "Mature Content" thing. I had no idea what I was getting into, so if you don't want to give it away with a summary, some sort of "just so you know" would definitely go a long way. I for one would most certainly appreciate it.

If you like having punctuation, then I'd suggest you exchange the first three periods for commas, to keep this poem flowing, and not have abrupt ends. Or, you could put the first two lines in one sentence with a comma, and the last two lines in a separate one, such as having a comma, period, comma, period pattern. On the other hand, if you'd be fine not having much punctuation, then I'd recommend that you left off all of the periods except for the very last line, since you could then be able to build up to your final line.

As for a title, maybe something like "I wore my last shirt yesterday" to refer back to the clothes idea? I'm not quite good with creative titles, so oh well. You could put a time, if you wanted, to represent when exactly the person's life ended, to add even more to the harshness of your first line. If you wanted a weirder approach, you could go for a more ironic title, like "Destination Reached," but I'm thinking that might be offensive, so scratch that.

I hope this helped and good luck with future writing!

Hey there thecolorofthesky. (really hoping that you don't hate purple) It's just lizzy dropping by real quick, so without a further ado, let the reviewing begin.

Some Thoughts
Usually I don't take a look at poetry but whenever people leave the blank titles, it gets my attention. But the feel I got off of it, was that having no name was the actual name. I don't know how accurate that is but let me explain myself a little bit before moving on to the next section.
Originally I thought this poem was about suicide and then I realized it was sort of a twisted romance thing. I thought suicide because of the 'hung myself in the closet' but then I saw that it was more talking about life. So in my mind, having a sort of no name title makes sense. Perhaps that's just my outlook. Or maybe it was suicide? I really don't know and I'm just jumping around trying to find some meaning to the poetry. Either way no title is a good title.

The last line is a little bit odd and doesn't really connect to the rest of the poem. I think I understand what you're trying to do with it but the meaning doesn't come out that clear so maybe explain it to me. It sounded like a type of projection metaphor but maybe you meant it literally. (that would be unfortunate if a romantic relationship was ended over style tastes) Yeah you probably didn't mean it literally but I'm still considering it as an option because why not?

The readers don't have much time to appreciate the feeling of the poem before it ends, so I guess that's why you opted for double spaces in between the lines and a looser formatting. It does take a bit longer for a reader to get through and a teeny bit longer for the thought side to cross through their mind.

This review hasn't been very well put together so far but let's talk a bit more about flow. So the first two lines go pretty well together and in my mind, they weren't too affected by the stopping points. I'm guessing the previous reviewer already mentioned this but I try not to look at other reviews. If this repeats well it repeats. So the periods at the end of every line complete the thought for each line but they also disconnect everything. I can see where you wanted to make each of these statements separate and equally powerful in the reader's mind, but for me it just looks and sounds sort of odd. I'm not really sure where I'm going with these opinions, so I'm just going to quit at that.

Yeah I'm going to quickly run out that door.
Good day and good luck with future projects.
Lizzy
The Queen of the Book Clubs

Bleak!

The biggest hangup I have over this piece is the use of hard-stops at the end of every line, giving it to an incredibly choppy feel. The content is there, but the flow isn't. Experiment around audibly and attempt to sync your breaths slowly to make it as fluid as you can, and see if you can replicate that flow in your style of form.

As far as the actual content goes, you cut straight to the point: narrator committed suicide, two lines that almost feel like filler?--and then the non-sequitur that really sold me on this piece that I quite like. I'm trying to parse what metaphor the 'love' could take on, but there's such sparse detail here that it's difficult to cement anything into place. That said, there's room for inference, which I do appreciate.

Line two is a bit disappointing, though--so I'd suggest checking that out the most.

All the best, and do feel free to PM me if you wanna talk!
Ty