Beauty:
the quality present in a thing or person
that gives intense pleasure
or deep satisfaction to the mind.
If I showed you the marvelous stars,
their endless light
and the infinite colors of the sky.
Would you believe it when I told you
that you are made of those things?
The most undiscovered parts of nature
share much with you
not just in composition,
but in unrivalled beauty.
They hold a sacred purity to them,
a raw form of beauty.
The wild, vibrant birds of the jungle
are as liberated and confident as your soul.
Your will in all its power
stands as sure and unmoving
as the breathtaking mountains topped with snow
But that is not the only truth to you
There is little difference
between your scars on your body
and the cracks in the earth.
The ones that produce the dazzling gems.
Darling,
You are a force of nature
worthy of love and awe.
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Canary word: Present
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,740 Reviews
*drags self in. Crawls on poem. Dies* Heya, TheColoroftheSky! We're on our final obstacle to end our journey! THE LAST REVIEW! Haha! I'm happy, are you happy? I think some of my other poems were crap poems but I'm going to /try/ an make this one a better one. So, I'm going to hopefully /try/ and go back to my original format!The Good, The Great, The Amazing- to The Bad, The Terrible, The Worst! Haha! Let's see how my ADHD, caffeine infected brain handles this!
The good- the flow wasn't actually that bad, and your punctuation was on point.
The Great- the wording that you have is absolutely wonderful. I love it, but that's to be expected.
The AMAZING- the imagery! Man oh man you did it again! How? How do you manage to capture such breathtaking pictures with nothing but words? It completely amazes me it does. It's absolutely perfect!
Anyway, with every good thing there's the bad, the nitpicks, the errors, the flaws, or whatever you want to call them.
The bad- Repetition impresses facts upon dull minds. DO IT! You got this man! This is the last time I'll say it to you, and I know you've read/heard it enough! You got this man!
I didn't find anything terrible, honestly.
The only other nitpicks I have are flow and rhyme(which there is none because this is obviously free verse.) SO I think I'm going to finish this review up rather quickly.
Anyway- I'll be watching for more of your stuff but I doubt I'm going to review any of it for a while. I look forward to seeing more of your stuff in the green room!
Keep on doing what you're doing and keep on keeping on my friends. Props.
Your Friends- Matthew Casanova Aaron.
Hello there, thecolorofthesky!!
Here is Eros with a review for your beautiful piece of poetry!!
Well...I was just scrolling over the green room when suddenly I was hit by the idea to read some of the oldestt works in the green room...and this is what caught my eyes. The title was attractive and catchy. It captivated and motivated me to see what is inside. This was indeed wonderful. I like how you have composed this poetry.
The theme of the poem is very unique and awesome. I like how you have presented the thoughts here. The topic was really simple, "Beauty". But you have expressed it very nicely. I liked this piece for this uniqueness.
The next thing which I would like to say is the use of words. They are simple which makes us, the readers to understand it's meaning fully.
The next thing is the flow of the poem. The poem flows very well.
The presentation of the poem is very nice. I liked this. There were no stanzas here but still, it doesn't matter that much. It's your unique style of writing. I have rarely or almost never seen stanzas in your poems. It is unique about your style of writing.
So, it was overall, a great work!!
Keep writing...
Never cease...
Because we all love to keep reading such awesome works like this one!!
Have a great day/night/evening!!
Hey, just came to say well done for this poem, because I think it is wonderful to read. I love all the different similes in here, and some of the lines create perfect images in your mind. In particular, I think the description of the birds in the jungle is really nice, and I love how you talk about the colours of the sky. It is so nice when beauty is acknowledged in a great poem such as this, for even with all the nature around us, it's still pretty hard to find beauty in this world.
Well done for this!
Hi colourofthesky, Felistia here with a review for you on this wonderful day.
Title: I think your title was perfect for your poem, since beautiful is what your entire poem is about.
Rhythm: The rhythm in your poem was okay, but it would be better it you had some more punctuation.
Description: The description in your poem was great, but there was one thing that bothered me. It's this one part that gets repetitive
You mention the stars and sky twice and the whole thing starts to sound repetitive. I'd keep one and take out the other one and replace it with something like this
Grammar and Punctuation: here is a article that will help with poem punctuation since I'm terrible at it https://www.youngwriterssociety.com/viewtopic.php?f=11&t=12474. There are a few grammar mistakes. breath taking is two words.
unrivaled is supposed to be unrivalled.
Overall this was a beautiful and I look forward to your next one. Never stop writing and I hope you have a great day\night.
Your friend, Felistia.
Hey there, and welcome to YWS! clogs here to review!
Not really sure how to start this, so I guess I'll just jump right in:
The part before this is a strong start to the poem, because it introduces some lovely imagery and also the theme of the poem. But then there's these lines. They basically just repeat everything that the lines above said. The last two lines in particular just make it sound like you're trying too hard to have repetition without repeating everything you said word-for-word. These lines are just kinda redundant. You could probably take them out.
I feel like there's a more concise way to say this. It's kinda like you're beating around the bush, like "ah, yes, they share things", leaving the reader to go "but what things?" and then answering that question. I'm not really a fan of that. I think you should try to condense this somehow. Maybe something like "You share the unrivaled beauty and [adjective] composition of the most undiscovered parts of nature". Don't use that, obviously, as it's just an example, but I just feel like there are better ways to say what you're trying to say without beating around the bush.
This is kind of a weird way to phrase this simile. Like I feel like saying "no more tame than" kind of tones down the tameness? Idk, maybe just think about rewording it.
Why in photographs? There's a whole world of wonderful mountain-related imagery to use instead of putting the mountains into photos.
I felt like the ending was really abrupt, especially since you'd just made the best simile yet with the scars and the cracks. It feels unfinished to me. Try to find a way to sum it up a little better, because it just kinda feels like you're leaving us hanging right now.
I feel like this would benefit a lot from some formatting. It would feel more organized if you put it into stanzas. To do that on the YWS publisher, you have to press "shift" with "enter" so that it'll keep the spaces between stanzas. It can also remove double-spacing. If that doesn't work, you can also add some sort of minor punctuation between the stanzas (like * or ~ or -) to get them to stay split up.
This could also use some punctuation. I think it would benefit this poem, although it can be a stylistic choice in poetry. However, since you have so many clearly defined ideas (stars, birds, mountains) that have a distinct beginning and end, it'd be good to use punctuation to help separate these for the readers. Otherwise, it feels like they all blend into each other and there's no structure. Here's a lovely guide from our very own YWS Knowledge Base to help you out. It explains a couple different styles of punctuation:
Poetry and Punctuation
This has some really lovely use of simile going on. You took the concept of beauty and related it to nature, and then you used the beauty of nature as a comparison for the "you" in the poem. It was very nicely done. My review probably makes it sound like your poem was terrible, but I promise you it was very well-written, and a lot of my critiques are about more technical things. You did a great job examining the theme!
I was going to begin this review by saying that you should change the title to "Beauty" because that's how you start the poem, but then I changed my mind. I realized that it was really cleverly done: You opened with the definition of beauty, and described how the "you" in the poem fit that definition, and it all left the reader with the unspoken implication that the "you" is beautiful, which is where the title comes into play. Sorry if that garbled mess made no sense. I really shouldn't try to analyze poetry after taking a 4 hour reading test ugh
Hope this helped, and keep up the great work!
Thank you so much for reviewing! I took a look at the poem from a different perspective and plan to revise on a few things you mentioned. I greatly appreciate it!
I've revised taking your review into consideration. Let me know your thoughts. Thanks clogs!
Hello Remington38 here!
Welcome to YWS! I found this poem very interesting in the idea and how it goes s written out. I loved it and how elegantly it was written. The only thing I would like to see adjusted is you use pretty good punctuation at first but then it goes away completely towards the end. Beauty such a wonderful thing to write because it's a simple word but such a complex idea. Your description is very good and overall I really loved this. I hope to see more work!
I'm glad you pointed the punctuation out. I'll be sure to revise that. The whole idea of beauty has such a deep meaning to me. I'm glad you found that within my writing!
Welcome to YWS, I hope that you write more. Anyway, I thought that the poem was really good. I could literally see the picture that you were painting in my mind. Your words were just so descriptive, and they really made me fall in love with this poem. I really don't have anything bad to say about this poem - but then again I don't know anything about poetry. But, if you asked me, this poem is really good. I hope that you continue to write more things like this, I really do enjoy reading your descriptive work. Never stop writing, I hope to see more things from you soon.
Thank you for the welcoming! I have a whole folder of poetry that I plan to slowly share through YWS. I'm very thankful for all the comments and reviews I've had so far!