We all watched him get so tired,
but a cure was not to to be found.
He said an angel wrapped his arms around him,
and murmered, "come with me".
He replied, "Let me say goodbye,"
and he looked into my eyes, and told me he loved me,
but it was his time to go.
I begged him to stay, he was my forever.
He lifted a shakey finger to my tear streaked face,
and traced the lines defining my sadness,
as he always loved to do.
He told me that he'd wait for me,
but not to be to sad.
To live my life in full,
but to not forget him.
took my hand and squeezed it,
then told the angel he was ready to go.
His golden heart stopped beating,
doctors frantic hands now at rest.
My love was my forever,
but now he is my never.
He broke my heart to prove,
that they only take the best.
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125,022 Literary Works • 672,755 Reviews
thanks!
O my goodness! So I was burning up and after reading this I have chills.
This is my favorite stanza.
My love was my forever,
but now he is my never.
He broke my heart to prove,
that they only take the best.
I think you last line here was the most powerful line in the poem. The rest of the poem seems to drag a little bit. You have a little bit of description but it is lacking. I think if you show more than you tell this would be a much better poem. You want the power of the last line throughout the poem. We don't know why you love him because you really didnt show us.
Otherwise good job! Let me know if you need anything.
-Flow-
thanks so much!
Aww this is really good. I can really feel how much you loved that guy and I'm sure he would've loved this. Good job!
Keep it up and stay strong!