I walk through the streets,
people streaking by,
shapes of gray.
Like ghosts,
they pass through me.
Not seeing,
or not looking?
My destination?
The bus station.
It's funny,
how nobody notices me,
my face is all over the news.
People should recognize me,
a runaway.
It's raining.
My hood is up,
to keep the makeup from washing away,
uncovering my bruises.
Someone calls out.
I freeze, hearing his voice.
He found me.
but no one sees,
I'm invisible.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,022 Literary Works • 672,755 Reviews
So ok ...........You told a story of a runaway in a poem and her dad or boyfriend ends up finding her because shes dead and hes dead so thats why they can only see each other........am I right? anyways I enjoyed but it was blunt and got straight to the point with no background. It could be a perfect poem with a little work.
thanks!
Pretty, but very empty. It's lacking something. I would say a storyline. Although it's random, I think you should keep working on it! I got into it very quickly. The beginning was very lovely and I absolutely loved the imagery. I could automatically see the picture of it in my head-- some girl, huddled up, trying to look neutral while walking to the bus station. I was a tad bit confused with the emotions here. I couldn't tell whether or not the girl (guy?) was feeling sad or possibly nervous? overall, really amazing! Keep writing.
thanks! I'll work on it, I haven't done any editing yet, thanks for the tips though!
It was very random. But not bad, obviously it's a little unfinsihed, it could do with some revision and maybe a few line changes, but ti wasn't bad, and I can 'rip it up' in no way I can think of, it wasn't bad! Keep Writing!