Invisible

So ok ...........You told a story of a runaway in a poem and her dad or boyfriend ends up finding her because shes dead and hes dead so thats why they can only see each other........am I right? anyways I enjoyed but it was blunt and got straight to the point with no background. It could be a perfect poem with a little work.

thanks!

Pretty, but very empty. It's lacking something. I would say a storyline. Although it's random, I think you should keep working on it! I got into it very quickly. The beginning was very lovely and I absolutely loved the imagery. I could automatically see the picture of it in my head-- some girl, huddled up, trying to look neutral while walking to the bus station. I was a tad bit confused with the emotions here. I couldn't tell whether or not the girl (guy?) was feeling sad or possibly nervous? overall, really amazing! Keep writing.

thanks! I'll work on it, I haven't done any editing yet, thanks for the tips though!

It was very random. But not bad, obviously it's a little unfinsihed, it could do with some revision and maybe a few line changes, but ti wasn't bad, and I can 'rip it up' in no way I can think of, it wasn't bad! Keep Writing!