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125,022 Literary Works • 672,755 Reviews
thanks!
your poem was sweet as it was caring. i liked the promise you made at the end.
it almost made me wanna cry. you seem like a caring person and i hope to see more of that in the next thing you post
haha it's okay, my thanks
posted like 9 times for some reason...haha and thanks!
Hiya again,
My message came through twice by accident, don't think I'm trying to spam you or anything
I get confused easily, sorry about that..it's my lousey genes
HAYLEY
xx
Hiya,
This poem had a really great concept. You told it in a very clear tone, and the style was so simple which made it easy to read and the message apparent and powerful. Last line could have been a bit more powerful to send a clearer message to the reader.
Overall it was great. You really made the message clear, but without losing focus on the emotive side of the poem, which can be hard to do at times.
It was great, keep writing, I want to read more of your work!
HAYLEY
xx
Hiya,
This poem had a really great concept. You told it in a very clear tone, and the style was so simple which made it easy to read and the message apparent and powerful. Last line could have been a bit more powerful to send a clearer message to the reader.
Overall it was great. You really made the message clear, but without losing focus on the emotive side of the poem, which can be hard to do at times.
It was great, keep writing, I want to read more of your work!
HAYLEY
xx
i like it so much!
the emotions was so clear!
keep it up!
thanks!
thanks!
thanks!
thanks!
thanks!
thanks!
thanks!
I agree with Sassykat: Powerful and amazing. I was caught off guard that the narrator died, because that's generally considered a risky move when using first-person POV, but you really pulled it off. Well done, and keep up the good work.
The only errors that I saw (besides the spoiler) were these:
It should be 'keeping me tied to earth.'
It should be 'goodbye.'
Whoa. Powerful. Scary. Amazing. It flows nicely, and regardless of the somewhat dark content, it has an almost reassuring message. It was a most interesting paradox. Nicely done. All I could nitpick was your spoiler, in that you should add a slash before the word spoiler in the second pair of brackets and it will actually turn into a spoiler...okay, I'll stop!