Devastation in Tears

Hey blimeylimey217,
I want to start off with one word: WOW! This is amazing! I can tell that you wrote this with emotion! Now, off to the poem:

My heart is yearning,
But the tears won't flow.
Either no one understands
Or no one wants to know.

Great start. My favorite line is the first one. It gets you wondering what this will be about. "My heart is yearning". For what? Why? What's wrong? It draws the reader into the poem, and that's always good for a first line.

I'm broken inside,
I'm bruised and beyond repair.
I need to be placed in a box that states:
"Caution! Handle with care!"

I notice that so far, you're sticking with rhyming, and it's working for you. Also, it's flowing really nicely. Again, the first line is attention-grabbing. It's nice to have that there.

My heart burns and aches,
As doubts cloud my mind.
I want a loving embrace
Reminding me all will be fine.

Ugh! You and first lines love each other, don't you? (Lol) This stanza is so emotional, it's almost shocking. I love how you used imagery in the second line. Perfect!

Instead I'm stuck back here
In the hollowness of my heart.
My life now is worthless,
So is there a new place to start?

This time, it's the last line that's getting me. Love it!

Are my beliefs, feelings, thoughts...
Is my whole life a lie?
Now everything in me is wondering,
Should I even try?

I love the ending so much! I'm sorry I have to cut this short, it's going on midnight, so I gotta run! But, this was an amazing piece! Don't give up!
Keep writing and keep smiling!
-FCS

Messenger here to review and it will be my second review of this crazy World Wide Review Day. So!


So this "handled" really well. Or it flowed really well. The second half of each stanza slowed down for me a little bit, but two things on that:
1. It was a nice kind of slowing down. It helped me to not rush through the poem. Something that I was kind of doing *hides in a deep hole*
2. Since you wrote it, you know how the rhyming and rhythm was supposed to go. I may just have been reading it wrong. Who knows!

I liked your length. And I liked the meat of the poem. The drama of it all is good. I think it asks a lot of thought-provoking questions, and, at least for the character, threatens the very stilts that life is hanging on. I felt the despair and loneliness of the character.

But! . . . I felt it ended too fast. It ended with a questions, which is fine, but I think to make it more dramatic you should make the very last line by it self. It could really speak volumes in the poem and strengthen it a lot. I still liked the poem a lot. Just take these thoughts into consideration.

Hope this helps!
Keep it up!

This poem really gets to me. It tells me that the narrator truly understands the feeling of depression, and wants comfort desperately.

It's a beautiful yet miserable poem. I really liked this part:

I'm broken inside,
I'm bruised and beyond repair.
I need to be placed in a box that states:
"Caution! Handle with care!"

Even though this piece ends with a rhetorical question, it's a little bit miserable.

'Should I even try?' The title was pretty bleak, but that was strangely what drew me to this work in the first place. XD

The protag (assuming this could be you???) obviously likes to be very introspective about their ideas.

'Is my whole life a lie?'

Personally, as a reader, I like to be left with some hope at the end of the piece. However, I still enjoyed reading your work.

Keep writing

My, oh my. This is a lovely poem. Seriously: this is very emotional and strongly written.
For a change, I'm just going to go through and highlight my favorite parts for you:

My heart is yearning,
But the tears won't flow.
Either no one understands
Or no one wants to know.

I'm broken inside,
I'm bruised and beyond repair.
I need to be placed in a box that states:
"Caution! Handle with care!"

My heart burns and aches,
As doubts cloud my mind.
I want a loving embrace
Reminding me all will be fine.

Instead I'm stuck back here
In the hollowness of my heart.
My life now is worthless,
So is there a new place to start?

Are my beliefs, feelings, thoughts...
Is my whole life a lie?
Now everything in me is wondering,
Should I even try?

This is a really good poem! This poem helped me to realize how my friend feels. She is being abused by her dad and feels really worthless. What gave you this inspiration? I love the second stanza. Thanks for sharing this!

Hi! This poem describes perfectly the moments of doubt, desperation and sadness, how, when you are so depressed you don't have any strength to even cry, and it is wonderful. Having been through depression I can easily relate. It's easy to read, there are no complicated words, just the feelings written simply, and everything flows perfectly.
My favorite sentence is:
"Are my beliefs, feelings, thoughts...
Is my whole life a lie?"

As for the grammar errors, I believe that in this sentence:
"I need to placed in a box that states:" "be" is missing after "placed" and that's all I can find.

This peace is beautiful, I love it and its simplicity, and I hope that you'll write again soon!

Hmmm, sounds familiar. I really like that this poem seems to describe those moments of self-doubt that everyone experiences sometime in their life, whether you intended that or not. The poem flowed effortlessly, except in this one part:

"I need to placed in a box that states:
'Caution! Handle with care!'"

It just seems too lighthearted, when the rest of the poem is more serious and heartfelt.

I hope this review was helpful. Keep up the good work!

Hey there!

I thought this was very profound, and relatable. I can tell it comes from a sensitive place, and it touches me.
I thought the part that said " Are my beliefs, feelings, thoughts... Is my whole life a lie?" especially relatable, since it's what I'm experiencing right now.

I thought this was very expressive and well written. Thank you for sharing this work with us. It's lovely.