Rosebud at Midnight

Timmyjake here to leave you a review!

So this was beautiful. You have a lot of writing talent! I love how you describe the roses life and how it goes... Its sooo amazing. This is going to hit number one, I can just tell!

I only have a few spots to critique and these are extremely small...

Drought and storm pound their trials against it to cause it to split.---That line didn't seem to flow like the rest. I think its the repetition of it.

And there is no more prospects in dawn.---I think that there should be a the before dawn

This is a well written poem. The subject matter is beautiful and interesting, though I would have liked to see some positives for the rose bud. If all of them were like this, there would be no roses at all.

The writing itself, while nice and sweet, doesn't exactly flow with the rhythm. Or should I say, the rhythm doesn't exactly flow with the writing. Whenever you write a poem that rhymes on a consistent level, you always want to make sure that your lines have a consistent number of syllables. When you rhyme, you're making it like a song, and it would be hard to sing a song that has ten syllables in one line and 17 in the next.

There are also a few specific things that I feel could be different'

"The plant is firmly rooted deep down in the ground."

Here you could remove either deep or down, depending on the depth of the message you wanted to convey about the roots. This would shorten the line to make it flow better.

"No matter everything around the rosebud to protect it,
Drought and storm pound their trials against it to cause it to split.
The noonday sun causes the bud to wither and rot by day.
And the night time, constant winds wear it away."

This whole stanza is not flowing, as it all rhymes, but the lines are so different in length that it disrupts the beat. It may be a good idea to rethink this part, and change a few things, such as moving the "constant" in the last line before "night time" so that, again, it has a more flowing vibe.

There are a few other things that would be good to change, but I won't point them out. Whenever you're writing rhyming poetry with consistent stanzas like this, it's a good thing to be sure that it comes out like a song, and that you wouldn't feel awkward reading it.

All in all, not a bad poem.

Thank you blimeylimey217!

Hello, blimeylimey217.

Kanome here with a wonderful review!

I personally liked the poem because I used to be just like the plant. I don't know if you were using symbolism to talk about yourself, a friend, or just someone in general.

I also liked the rhyme scheme in the poem, it really flowed throughout the whole poem.

Suggestions: Okay, where is says "Stripped bare, its small leaves soon rot and decompose", I believe that you should let stripped bare have its own line and the rest of it another line, to make the poem more effective for the readers when they read this poem.

All in all, I enjoyed reading this. I am glad you suggested this to me. Keep up the good work! I can't wait to read more of your work c:

-K

Well done! It's very well written, and you have very good descriptions!!

Hey blimeylimey217, Laure here for a review! First of all, allow me to say that the title is absolutely brilliant! It reeled me in instantly.

Let's get on with some technical things, you have a really steady rhythm going on here and also, the rhyme here doesn't seem forced at all and is very effective to convey your message across to the readers as well as creating beautiful imagery. But there are a few places where things a bit out of sorts.

No matter everything around the rosebud to protect it,
Drought and storm pound their trials against it to cause it to split.
The noonday sun causes the bud to wither and rot by day.
And the nighttime, constant winds wear it away.

And it's pearly white petals are now exposed.