The night is haunting,
And the darkness is taunting.
It calls in the night, "follow me."
I cry out for help with a desperate plea.
Don't let me fall into the darkness and despair.
I'm longing to feel that free, careless air.
The darkness is whispering hope.
Should I listen to it or try to cope?
Here it goes! I take a step out of the light,
And I find myself in the deepest, darkest night.
It's more frightening here than with the voices.
I don't think I made the right choices.
I call out for help in this dreadful place,
But my voice returns to me and slaps me in the face.
I'm all alone, I realize, for the first time in my life
I feel like I was just fatally stabbed with a knife.
I groan and cry in pain, crying out with a final breath.
I see where my depression led and struggle to fight against the strangling death.
A.N.
I'll post a poem later that's a continuation of this one that will have hope... I just don't feel the hope at this point! I hope this didn't depress anyone!
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Oh my D:.
I think the meaning of this poem is that the narrator is sunken deep into depression, so much that she kills herself, hence the darkness 'calling out' to her.
I love how you hid the meaning inside of this poem, and let the reader sort of figure it out. Poems that give an obvious meaning still can be amazing, but I love poems like these where they're a bit complex. And when the reader finally discovers the true meaning, it gives them a whole new overall feeling.
I also like how the narrator believes the darkness is her only chance, and then she realizes the dark truth about it once she finally steps into it.
I do have a little issue, though.
I'm a bit confused. What free, careless air is the narrator talking about? I thought it was the air of the darkness, but the previous line revokes that. Maybe you could explain that 'air'.
Anyways, this poem is really great. Keep writing!
DESPAIR~
Gummy's the name, reviewing's my game! Tonight I'm reviewing "In The Midst of Darkness" by blimeylimey217!
And boy, what a doozy of a poem it is. The rhyme scheme is a nice and easy a-a-b-b structure, and that's always nice. Keeps the piece organized and it helps when reciting it, be it in your head or through spoken word. The grammar is pristine, as I'd expect, and the theme stays strong. I commend you for this.
As for what can be changed for the better... that last line! It fills me with despair! It's a whopping 7 syllables longer than the line before it! What I'm trying to say is that the last line sounds a bit too stretched compared to... well, any of the other, um... Any of the other 17 lines in the poem! But I guess, since the theme of the piece is "despair", I'll let that one slide. XD
All in all, this poem was a really good read, and you can bet I'll read the continuation and some of your other works in the near future! As always, take care, and remember, practice is key!
Very good and colorful in the description.
It had a very real and yet, at the same time, figurative feel to it. As if I was both physically walking into an endless darkness and mentally. Depending on how you look at it.
I'll check it's 'sequel' to see if it holds the same promise as this.
I wish I could post poems like this...ah screw it, I'll stick to novels.(They eat enough of my points as it is.)
All in all, a very good and imaginative poem that I hope has a sequel that carries it's potential.
This doesn't depress me, because even with all the darkness I am kind of getting a happy undertone, like the narrator knows that this darkness is only temporary and she will win against the strangling death.
And to be honest I like depression.
I like the imagery that you have here. The way you wrote some of the lines such as,
was absolutely brilliant.
Your grammar and spelling were excellent, and the whole poem overall was really good.
I think that your rhythm needs a little work. The rhyme helps it along, but it's really just not there at all. Some of the lines are just to long, in my opinion. It just creates this jerky feel. If you like it this way and don't want to change it, that's fine because this is your work and you have the final say. I'm just pointing this out to you.
But, in the end the poem is really good.
KT
Thank you so much for the review! I will be sure to work on these thoughts!
This poem is brilliant. I have a tendency to write poems about my emotions and night or darkness, but this is way better than any of mine. It flows quite well and I don't see anything particularly wrong or odd with the lines. I didn't depress me but I do feel the emotion in your words. I think one of the lines with the most emotion is
"I call out for help in this dreadful place,
But my voice returns to me and slaps me in the face."
I also like the lines that you second guess your self in. I hope you feel better though and get pulled from the darkness to the light. ^-^ Great poem Can't wait to read the next one.
Thank you so much for the review!