z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Wrong reason's

by singhvaibhav


All of us who don’t leer at women, who don’t pass lewd comments on their attire, who don’t sexualize their gestures. Thinking to ourselves or rather our reasoning to our conscience is that “she must be someone’s sister, mother, she must be someone’s something” aren’t we doing the right thing for the wrong reasons?

By doing this we are depriving them of their right to individuality and threatening the independence of their existence, by doing this we are characterizing their existence as a liability or a weakness, we are treating their existence as an extension or an addendum to the existence of a fictitious character with whom we can empathize, and the empathy clearly indicates that we think of our own sisters and mothers as liabilities or weaknesses, moreover we feel proud of ourselves as we are relinquishing the pleasure of exploiting someone’s weakness and we feel safe as we assume that karma will serve us well, basically we are not targeting women but women are still being treated as a soft targets, so let’s treat women impartially and as individuals capable of independent existence and not as an extension of someone else.

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561 Reviews

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Sun Oct 29, 2017 5:49 pm
Atticus wrote a review...



Hi there, and MJ stopping by for some reviews this fine review day :) It might be a little gray outside, but inside there are some bubbly potions brewing to work their magic! Without futher ado, let's get into the review. *beams proudly at rhyming skills*

Inside this spoiler you will find my grammatical corrections, and at the bottom of the review I will put my overall suggestions, critiques, and commendations. Things in red are things that must be added in for grammatical correctness, things in blue are suggestions, and things with a strikethrough are things that should be taken out.

Spoiler! :
All of us who don’t leer at women, who don’t pass lewd comments on their attire, who don’t sexualize their gestures.This is a fragment, and describes the subject without saying what we're doing. I'm having trouble following what you meant by this. Thinking to ourselves, or rather our reasoning to our conscience[/b] [/s]is[/s] that “she must be someone’s sister, mother, she must be someone’s something” aren’t we doing the right thing for the wrong reasons?

By doing this we are depriving them of their right to individuality and threatening the independence of their existence,. bBy doing this we are characterizing their existence as a liability or a weakness,. wWe are treating their existence as an extension or an addendum to the existence of a fictitious character with whom we can empathize, and the empathy clearly indicates that we think of our own sisters and mothers as liabilities or weaknesses,. mMoreover, we feel proud of ourselves as we are relinquishing the pleasure of exploiting someone’s weakness and we feel safe as we assume that karma will serve us well, bBasically, we are not targeting women, but women are still being treated as a soft targets,. sSo let’s treat women impartially and as individuals capable of independent existence and not as an extension of someone else.


Firstly, I really appreciate that you pointed out that many people have wrong motivations when we don't abuse women in one way because of their relationship to someone else. I think it would be good if you pointed out that this is a good first step. Recognizing that you need consent to make sexual advances and living your life by that is a first step for sure, and a step that everyone must take. I think that recognition would be helpful in showing people that what they are doing is better than other alternatives, but still not the ideal course of action.

And secondly, I think that you missed saying the main point of your story. From what you were saying, it seemed like you were getting at the idea that we need to treat women as valuable because of who they are individually and not who they are to other people. At least from how I read it, it seemed like you implied these ideas and built up to them but just stopped short of saying them. That's more of my personal view, but it could still be helpful to consider :)

Thank you for sharing this. This is something that still needs to be discussed and improved in our society, and I think this has potential to open people's eyes to the fact that women are people, not objects. It's still a problem that men are more likely to back off if a woman says "I have a boyfriend" than a simple "no" because they respect other men more than the woman's right to refuse sexual advances. But anyway, thanks again for posting this, and I'll be around if you have any questions!

Best wishes,
MJ




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Thu Oct 26, 2017 6:18 pm
DeerInBacPac wrote a review...



Hello, E.E here for a possibly quick review and maybe some utter nonsense! Grim is here as well, drinking hot cocoa and being a slacker. *Grim looks over, glaring* So, lets get started. :smt020

So, this f****** post. This is...is amazing. You mention some very importnat points about how we think about women, how even other women think about one another. Its rather sad how some people think that feminist are all just wackos or idiots. That they are not needed. I myself am not one but hey, this world has its quirks and sometimes we cannot fix them, no matter how hard we try. Doesn't mean we can't try though, right? Otherwise, I did not notice any grammar or spelling mistakes, so that is great. Some else may though!

Overall I liked the...article/essay and keep up the good work! Happy Halloween! I really need to go now Grim has souls to reap and he needs more cocoa. He has a problem, seriously. Cheerio and fruit loops to you!




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Thu Oct 26, 2017 3:24 pm
Radrook wrote a review...



First, let me commend you for your concern about women’s welfare. True, women, or any other human being for that matter, should never be viewed as merely a means to an end. That’s one of the basic tenets why slavery is morally unacceptable. So the composition has a good moral foundation.

Of course there are women who want to be treated in the way that you describe such as prostitutes, nymphomaniacs, and women who are just plain lonely and desperate for any kind of attention or are just wanting to feel attractive and so they flaunt and flirt for an ego-boost.

However, generally speaking-yes, as Christians and decent human beings that is the best way to behave ourselves, and not just men, since lesbians might be included in such offenses. Your essay shows a deep concern for that social flaw and has inherent value because of it. But it needs to be written in a way that will not distract the reader from the very important message and that's what the grammatical mistakes are doing.

Fragments

“All of us who don’t leer at women, who don’t pass lewd comments on their attire, who don’t sexualize their gestures.”

Please note that the above is not a sentence. It has a subject:: “All of us....” but it lacks a verb to complete the thought.

Example:

“All of us who don’t play the piano, don’t play the trombone and who don’t play the guitar while smoking cigars. “ Well, what about them?

See the point?

Here are two helpful articles to help correct them:

https://writingcenter.unc.edu/tips-and- ... d-run-ons/

http://www.grammarbook.com/punctuation/capital.asp


Thanks for sharing.




singhvaibhav says...


thanks I will definitely look into it




I have my books and my poetry to protect me.
— Paul Simon