she knows me to the corners of my darkest fears.
she is aware of the contours of my dour tears.
she has long hairs, rosy cheeks, whimsical eyes and a devilish smile, the face is surrealistically familiar.
she is immured in the mirror, in a completely different sphere.
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Canary word: Present
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,798 Reviews
This is ZeldaIsShiek, here to review another amazing poem about a cross-dresser who the poet remembers from somewhere, and fears for some... reason... more on that later! Let's begin!
The first thing I noticed in this poem was the title. Musings are usually reflections, while a Muse is someone who entertains and offers companionship in return for presence. As from a Transvestite, they are basically cross-dressers who think dressing as the opposite sex is sexy, which is... cool, I guess. The word whimsical means reflective or witty, which makes sense, considering the fact that a musing is a reflection or "train of thought" that can entertain or accompany someone through their life.
The line "She has long hairs" seems odd to me, since the "hairs" is a plural noun, meaning it is many or multiple. The hairs could mean that the cross-dresser has multiple hairs and is wearing a wig, or that the poet has discovered them for who they are.
That's all I have to write for you today. Have a good evening! ZeldaIsShiek- Out!
Hello, E.E for a possibly quick review and maybe some utter nonsense! Grim is here as well, drinking hot cocoa and being a slacker. *Grim looks over, glaring* So, lets get started.
So, first thing I notice that could make this poem better is if you were to, instead of putting a period, add a comma after "my darkest fears". It might make the poem a bit more urgent. The whole line "she has long hairs, rosy cheeks, whimsical eyes and a devilish smile, the face is surrealistically familiar." seems rather botched, like you rushed over it and did not take the time to make sure it flowed well. It would also help it you indented at "the face is surrealistically familiar."Once again it might add more spice to the poem, more urgency. The flow was okay but could of been much better over all. Try to work on that and fix the grammar mistakes that I had pointed out. Other wise I did not notice any other grammar or spelling mistakes.
Now is when I dissect your poem and see if I can't get its meaning right. So, in your poem you are talking about how a girl seems to be so much better then you in physical beauty. But (and which you have most likely heard this countless times), your personality is not what matters the most. Not you hair or smile. Find someone who cares about your personality, not if your make up is smudged or that you don't shave over the winter.
Overall, I liked the poem and the meaning behind it. (If I got it right!), and keep up the good work! Happy Halloween! I need to go now, Grim has some more dead to reap and I ran out of cocoa for him.
Hello singhvaibhav! Welcome to YWS! Kara here for a (hopefully) quick review!
she knows me to the corners of my darkest fears.
Give me your soul.With that aside, I'm not the best at poetry but here we go!
Bold = grammar and flow issues.
Italics = suggestions and overall
Strikethrough= removeUnderline = krazy Kara komments.
Spoiler
she is aware of the contours of my dour tears.
she has long hair
s, rosy cheeks,whimsical eyesand a devilish smile,the face is surrealistically familiar.she is immured in the mirror, in a completely different sphere. {This line doesn't make sense, and the last line is two long. I would suggest revising these two rhymes to match your rhyme scheme and make them make more sense}
Overall, very good, but the last two lines are either a) too long or b) doesn't make sense. That could be easily worked on, however. Great job and keep up the great work.
Why haven’t you given me your soul yet? --
Kara