I still search for you In the shadows of the night.
With movement of the wind, I hope to catch your glimpse in the moonlight.
Time is a great healer.
Tell this to the woman, who wails on her daughter’s deathbed.
Cursing her beloved god with each breath.
Tell this to those people, who search for their loved ones in the stars.
Consoling themselves that they are not that far.
I try to mold the darkness in your shape.
I try to give your face.
I try to give it your grace.
With the moving wind I look for your traces.
The night is filled with you, there are soo many dark spaces.
Time is a great healer.
But can it heal someone who is indifferent to his own being.
Who wants to dissolve into the night.
Never to be seen.
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Thanks for sharing this poem expressing the longing for a beloved one no longer present. The emotional pain is expressed very well and drew me in via empathy. The desperation is made more poignant via describing the griever as desperately searching nature for a sign that the beloved hasn’t vanished. The speaker rebels against the concept that time heals and against the supernatural entity which is sometimes described as being responsible for the present situation. I like how the poem alternates between the pronouns: "I" to" "you"".
It adds to the drama.
suggestions:
A new line starting with "I hope...." would look better on the page. It sticks too far out to the right.
“....in the shadows....”
“....in movement of the wind,...”
“Tell this to the woman[]....” The pause interferes with the flow.
“God” Writing "god" made me pause to ponder why.
“....with you[.] [T]here are....” To avoid splicing.
“ ....own being[?]”
“..,..give [it] your face.”
“....never to be seen[?]"
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“In, or within the wind....”
Wind moves by default. There is no such thing as a stationary wind.
suggestions: “swift wind” “swirling wind” “blasting wind” “soft wind” “blaring wind” “cold wind” “stiff wind" etc
Actually the statement is vague. Is the speaker accompanying the wind as it searches for her or his traces? The word “with” might be understood that way.
oh boy...this was something alright XD. I mean that in a very good way. to me, this was more dark then romantic, but at the same time, it was a healthy dose of each. I like things with a twisted outlook (for the lack of a better explanation). It reminded me a lot of the book thief, when death itself is narrating. the darker things always attract more readers, especially when they don't know if they should feel unease or at peace. I loooved this. keep writing my dude!
Hello! First, I want to say that I really enjoyed reading this poem! I really liked the feeling of this poem and I liked the atmosphere.
One of the first things I noticed was some grammar.
"I still search for you In the shadows of the night."
Consider not capitalizing "In" in the middle of the line.
You don't have to put a period at the end of every line. In fact, exchanging some periods for commas and other punctuation marks might help increase the flow of your poem.
Other than that, I really liked this poem! Keep writing!
ella