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Scented farts

by singhvaibhav

Warning: This work has been rated 18+.

Scented fart

Madhav and riya have been married for 10 years, this is their 10th anniversary and they are walking to a restaurant near the ocean.

Madhav – you know your ass smells like shit.

Riya – Well technically shit comes out of ass, so it’s only natural that asses smell of shit. Unlike yours of course, your ass must smell of scented candles. You sick fuck, what were you thinking with that candle.

Madhav – I was trying to find my G-spot you know, I read that in the women’s digest that scented candles can be pleasurable if they hit the right spot.

Riya – They were talking about its smell you moron! and by the way do men even have a G-spot? Don’t you guys cum when the wind kisses your dick or when you see a train going into a tunnel or when you see two homosexual dogs fucking, or when you see a bra-strap or like when you see a woman’s thigh or like her bare back, her uncovered skin in any form don’t you guys like automatically ejaculate?

Madhav – Hey!!, give us some credit, we don’t automatically ejaculate. We have to work for it, we have to touch our dicks, caress it gently till it is hard and ready to spit and then we let loose this whole process takes about a minute, depending on the part of the woman’s body that got us excited this time period can be shortened significantly.

Riya – How can you be so calm and slick, your wife just caught you shoving a burning scented candle up your ass, you pervert and it’s our anniversary, instead of fucking me you prefer getting fucked by a candle. I haven’t had an orgasm in forever and you are fucking a candle you sick bastard. What kind of twisted porn do you watch, chicks with strap-on, bondage, sadism, horse fucking blondes.

Madhav – Well I haven’t checked out horses and blondes but my favourite is granny with tranny. But bare-back ebony also gets me off. By the way whose fault is it that we haven’t had sex in three months?

Riya – It’s your three inch dick that’s at fault here, how can anyone be satisfied with it, it’s like a limp noodle and noodles are already limp. I should have fucked you before marrying you, say was this affair of yours with candles still going on before our marriage?

Madhav – At least I can still get my noodle dick up, you have lost all your interest in sex because of your drinking, you are always drunk, you still are. What kind of example are you setting for our 7 year old girl, why don’t you go to those AA meetings?

Riya – Big talk coming from a candle fucker, and if I want to be an asshole why would I do it anonymously, I live my life on my terms and I don’t want to listen to those whiny bitches at assholes anonymous.

Riya – And if you are so concerned about our daughter, why don’t you send her to a nicer school, you sit at home all day pretending to “write” all this while you haven’t even sold a single one of your “short stories” there’s no money coming in. we are living of my salary. I am supporting the family while you do nothing, what do you do all day?

Madhav – I gather inspiration.

Riya – By watching candle porn?

Madhav – Would you let it go already, I was trying something, it didn’t work. I thought we could try out new ways to you know, get intimate.

Riya – ”get intimate”, what are you a 15 year old girl? What are you going to say next, that the candle took your flower. Grow a pair on that noodle and say fuck or sex or boing or bone, you know what next time refer to the “intimate act” as fornication its much sexier.

Riya – We have been walking for 20 minutes where is this restaurant?

Madhav –There it is, and can you please be civil with rahul and rhea, please don’t ask them to swing with us, and please lord please don’t ask the size of rahul’s dick

Riya – I will just rhea if she blows rahul before or after anal, like the sequence of their sexual moves.

Riya and madhav enter the restaurant, and meet rhea their childhood friend.

Rhea – Hey guys happy 10th anniversary looking sharp.

Riya – Well we didn’t dress up because we were going to ditch you guys and have sex in the ladies washroom, and also because madhav is out of work at the moment and we can’t afford washed and ironed clothes, all the more reason to have sex in the washroom. Will you guys join us.

Madhav – Thank you rhea and rahul for this lunch invitation, we can’t really afford food right now as you know riya has a drinking problem and all the money goes into feeding her addiction.

Rahul – Wow, you guys don’t hold back. How are guys holding up, your marriage seems to be on shaky ground.

Riya – Now I just invited you for a foursome and you are insulting my marriage, that’s rude.

Rhea – Stop you guys, stop bullying rahul.

Madhav – Say rahul how long is your penis, just out of curiosity, can you fuck yourself with it?

Rahul – I am out of here, you have a nice time with your friends.

Rahul walks off.

Rhea – You guys, can you for once be nice? Why do you act like this?

Riya- Well because we don’t want your pity you bitch.

Rhea – Then bye, assholes.

Rhea storms out.

Madhav – What a nice lunch, such nice people, we should do this again sometime.

Riya – Why did you go along with it?

Madhav – Well you are a sarcastic cow, but you are my love, and it is a lot of fun to unleash like that, I can see why you do it. And I haven’t been the best husband lately.

Riya – Are you kidding me? You are the most romantic person ever, you have rose scented farts.

Madhav and riya exit the restaurant and start walking along the ocean.

Madhav – Yes, let’s take a walk along the ocean.

Riya – Why do you think we are still together, I mean I am a bitch, and you are a self-effacing, small-dicked, candle fucking, out of work writer. What works between us?

Madhav – Well maybe I am spineless man who needs a spine, and you are a bully who needs to feel powerful, so you keep me around.

Riya – You really think so?

Madhav – No I think its janvi that keeps us together.

Riya – Yeah me to.

Madhav – And I think we don’t have sex anymore because we find it boring and pointless, like there is nothing left to discover within each other, and within ourselves.

Riya – Too drunk to find another reason, so agreed.

Riya – How long do you think this marriage will last?

Madhav – 10 years maybe.

Riya – Make that 20, we have to stick around until the kid has her own problems to deal with.

Madhav – Agreed.

Riya – Let’s get a drink then, seal the deal.

Madhav – No, you go get drunk, I have to pick janvi up from school.

Riya – Oh yeah right on

Madhav enters a grave yard and puts down the lilies on his daughter’s deathbed.

Madhav – Hey jan, I know you are mad at your mother for driving with you while drunk, but that accident wasn’t her fault. I hope you can forgive her, she still thinks you are alive, probably because she never saw your dead body. She won’t forgive herself, she appears tough but she is scared and vulnerable. I will take care of her, I know you loved her, take care kid.

Riya’s phone rings, her mother is on the phone.

Amma - How are you and madhav holding up, today being the anniversary and all, it must be unbearable today.

Riya – Yeah, the boor bastard thinks that jan is still alive, he just went to pick her up from school, I don’t know when will he stop blaming himself for the accident, it wasn’t his fault, I should have been in the car with jan, but damn vodka I was passed out. And he had to get her. He never ever saw her body maybe that’s why he thinks she is alive.

Amma – Let him take his time, all of us heal differently.

------------------------------------------------The end------------------------------------------------

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User avatar
326 Reviews

Points: 19430
Reviews: 326

Sun Aug 26, 2018 5:25 am
fraey wrote a review...

Hi there!

Just wanted to say a few things and help get this out of the Green Room!

First off, I think the way this is formatted drew away from readers, as this seems more like a script than anything else since there are only seven lines of action. In an alike sense, if you want this to be a short story, I think a good step in that direction would be to have some sort of description.

I'd like to have some idea of at least what these characters look like, such as did they marry young, or older than their friends? What about their backgrounds? How did they get together originally? Did they want more kids?

Something I'd be interested in is getting to know more about both parents' relationships with their daughter. And how their marriage was ten years ago, let alone when they first hooked up!
Maybe how they learned that absolutely filthy language!

Overall, I think I'd like these characters developed more, besides just very inappropriate commentary to not only themselves but also their apparently good and caring friends? That's a rather curious action.

Finally, I do like the twist, but it's hard to get through the language-filled large portion of this to see any storyline.

That's it for now!


User avatar
896 Reviews

Points: 29795
Reviews: 896

Sun Aug 26, 2018 3:19 am
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alliyah wrote a review...

This section at the end is pretty interesting

I don’t know when will he stop blaming himself for the accident, it wasn’t his fault, I should have been in the car with jan, but damn vodka I was passed out. And he had to get her. He never ever saw her body maybe that’s why he thinks she is alive.

I mean that's a really interesting premise, sort of a shocking ending there at the end. But it takes so much swearing and vulgar language to get to that interesting bit, that it might put off some readers.

I'd suggest putting a bit of a hint of the end in the middle part, to give some continuity at the end so it doesn't feel like the reader was "tricked" at the end, but rather that the answer was "revealed"

Also I think you might want to cut some of the beginning vulgarity or make that section shorter, just because it's is pretty off-putting right off the bat, and having less vulgarity or a shorter vulgar section will make your story appeal to more folks.

That being said, I thought some of the back and forth jokes were kind of funny, but it never really seemed like there was a turning point in the anger and jokes, they were always the same level of anger. I think it'd make the story more interesting if you increased the hostility near the end, or made the anger and jokes more mild at the beginning.

Good luck in your future writing!



Too bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair.
— George Burns