Broken vase

You're trying to be airy, but the punctuation makes the poem more concrete.

"Parisian" as a modifier for the vase is also not a clear image, because there's not that much of a stark and clear visual contrast between vases from Paris and vases from wherever else.

What's euphoric about this dream? I think you'd want to say that it's hazy and faraway, not so much that it reveals something.

But otherwise, I think you capture the sharp shattering of a relationship quite well.

Radrook here for review. Please feel free to reject all suggestions that are deemed unhelpful. If I offend it is unintentional,. Apologies if I do. That having been said.

Thanks for sharing this poem which personifies what seems to be a silver sculpture of a bust and a transparent vase which are reflecting one-another’s images. I like the use of imagery and symbols. It serves to give the poem metaphorical charm and separates it from mere prose.

It was fascinating to read how the personification describes them as gloating concerning the beauty that their mutual reflections create. The two inanimate objects are further personified by having them capable of interacting emotionally. However, unable of avoiding reflecting each other, they are as if in a cage-trapped by the circumstances. We are told that hostilities grow. Then one suddenly shatters leaving the other bereft of the reflection. Perhaps the breakage is self-inflicted in order to escape the unendurable reflection or relationship. Their once idyllic existence is remembered as a distant dream by the onlookers who had derived great pleasure in the mutual reflected display..

This reminds me of amorous relationships in which some couples feel trapped and cannot any longer countenance one another while outsiders who are ignorant of what’s really going on,, such as relatives and friends, view it idyllic or perfect and are astonished when such seemingly- flawless relationships suddenly falter and fall apart.

Suggestions

Parisian vase.

The term Parisian Vase didn’t conjure up any specific image in my mind. I looked up the term and there are so many styles that I still couldn’t see the vase being mentioned. Perhaps describing its shape such as flowered shaped would help.


When the vase [shatters], [Rhymes with scatters.]

now seem like a[ euphorical] dreams. [ flows smoother]


Looking forward to reading more of your work.

Legacy here for a review.

I love the rhyming scheme you have here (even if some of them are almost rhymes, it still works ). The imagery you have is amazing; I could see what was going on.

I haven't ever read a poem about two mirrors in a room; I haven't even really thought about the perspective of inanimate objects. It isn't usually something that interests me, but you were able to write it in a way in which could keep my attention. Congratulations on that, by the way.

I love the structure of this poem as well, the italics works for what you are trying to express. It would look awkward as regular text I believe.

I don't see any sort of grammatical or spelling mistakes, but I might be wrong.

The only sort of thing I could say about this poem is in the line with fragments scattered all over the place, when you start to talk about the cage, there should be a line break before you start that sentence. Whenever you start a new idea, you should start a new line. Another thing, after your line with envy and hate, you should start a new stanza because of the passage of time between what you were talking about and what you are about to talk about.

Hopefully I was helpful for you today. Keep on writing and Legacy out.