Young Writers Society

Beautiful poem! The metaphors are not overused and the message is deep. Not only the inescapable truth of death, but that innocence can die as well. Just like Radrook a personal chord was struck, but I think almost everyone can relate. I don’t know if you have the same problem as me where you can figure out how to divide the poem into stanzas on this website, or if this was your intention. There isn’t a stanza division. With The commas and periods you have the pauses, but the poem looks clustered. Overall you did an amazing job!

A beautiful poem, well-written and wonderfully described.

A beautiful poem, well-written and wonderfully described.

This poem touched a very sensitive chord and almost brought tears to my eyes. It expresses so beautifully the questions that inevitably surface as we age. The longing for a return to former times. A questioning of why things must be as they bitterly are. The question of why immortality isn’t ours as a given and why we are expected to accept the unacceptable.

The living trees, with their verdant foliage are an excellent symbol of youth and their toppling once they are spent a fitting symbol of our aging and demise. The poem’s tone conveys the sentiment of longing and pain that this reality involves. I love that introductory rhyming couplet!

Thanks for sharing.


Suggestions:

I felt unable to understand some parts.

Trees of the past[,] do they have to die...in the sunlight[?]
....old attributes[?]

....how can my past breathe[?]
....from my moonlit eyes[.]

The word “stench” might be offensive to some aged readers who might conclude that it is saying that the aged stink. Perhaps “scent” would be better.

Thanks for introducing me to the word petrichor.

It did make me pause in the reading and wonder what it meant though.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Petrichor