have you ever had a grape
with cheese?
me neither
but i saw an older man
eating grapes and cheese
at the same time
i asked him why he'd indulge
in such a nasty meal
he looked me in the eye
and said nothing
one day
perhaps
i'll eat a grape
with cheese
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Canary word: Present
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,805 Reviews
How
are your
poems
so
amazing,
Shey?
I am fully aware you wrote this ages ago, but, man, this is amazing!
Thank you, thank you!
I actually happen to have a bunch of new poems in my clipboard that I'm publishing as a book, and I might share a few on YWS in the next few weeks.
Ooh, I'd be glad to check 'em out!
SHEY!! Why do you have to make me hungry? And why are you writing about grapes and cheese? Are you hungry too? I don't even know what else to say about this... xD
Ok, I do. This is a really good poem for how short it is. I don't get the weird aligning, but then again, I can't format at all! xD
Grapes and cheese are deliciousThanks for the review!
'Welcome!
Hey Dogs here for a review!
First off let me start off by saying how cute I thought this poem was.
Okay I liked how it was short and simple, and the meaning can go so much deeper if you really think about it. This is just inspiring, and a cute little poem that can go such a long way!
This poem I believe will firmly lighten peoples spirits if they are having a bad day!
I'll be sure to come back and read this poem when I'm having a bad day at least! XD
Anyway let's move on to some nitpicks and little errors I noticed.
1) This is pretty much the only thing I noticed but you must remember to capitalize all your "I's," "I'll's," etc.
I guess you don't HAVE to do this... but I'm a grammar Nazi, so yeah sorry... It's one of my pet peeves I guess you could say!
Anyway I thought this poem was so cute, but yet it could have a huge meaning at the same time.
I like how you made it short and simple. A short poem that's extremely easy to read, I love poems like this. A short little poem with a large, deep message!
Overall I thought this was a cute poem with a bigger meaning. The more I read it the more better and meaningfulness it becomes. I'm not sure if this is what you were going for (the poem secretly having a huge meaning if you look deeper into it) but that's what I took from it!
Anyway, I really enjoyed reading this poem, and hope I will run into it and read again. Maybe I'll be eating grapes and cheese when I read this again!
Keep up the great writing,
Love,
Dogs
Thanks for the review! Glad you enjoyed!
No problem! I'm glad I found this poem!
Truly an inspiring and thought-provoking poem about Grapes and Cheese. This is truly what I've needed to see my entire life. Thank you for showing me the light.
You are welcome. XD
It’s obvious this poem is not one to be taken seriously. However, that does not excuse the fact that grammar is extremely important! When, beginning a sentence you need to capitalize the first letter. Same with I, in a sentence when referring to one’s self the i must be capitalized. Sorry that’s just one of my pet peeves. Sorry if I sound like a grammar nazi, but it’s basic english. Other than that it’s a funny and cute poem.
Thanks for the review! Glad you enjoyed. The marvelous part of poetry is really, grammar CAN be excused, if wanted.
Hey, Sheyren. Willard here, it's like, one in the afternoon, and I have a review for you.
You wrote a satire poem.
satire
flies down
scans the room
"s...sa...suh...suhtire?"
"SUHTIRE?!
secretes green acid from my sides
screeches loudly
hisses
bites the head off a kid
You wrote a satire poem. Why is that so important?
Back when I was a disenfranchised child, so 2013, I had joined this site. Though I started off writing horrifically awkward short stories, I eventually found my way into satire poetry. Once again, those were bad, but I soon started building a foundation of them. I started creating a massive empire, where this was all I wanted to do. I wanted to write #EDGY satire that would rOcK da KNOCKAS oFF an average YWS user. I started having turf wars with the likes of @DrFeelGood , who was not only a great satirist, but literally the only other one on this site.
However, dreams don't last forever. He started writing spiritual poetry that got rid of all his edge, and once my crack addiction spiraled out of control, I decided to invest all my time in introspective extroverted poetry heavily inspired by emo music and philosophy. It doesn't mean I have abandoned all of my roots. Satire is still heavily prominent in my life and poetry. Hell, I got into an argument with another person on here about how satire can bleed into other genres. Though the awkward and cringe-worthy heyday of the genre on this site has been dead for a year or two now, it has never been forgotten.
That being said, satire doesn't get a lot of representation on this site. No one is devoted to it. Sure, there are a few poems here and there, but otherwise it's just dry as hell. As a result, no one is actively mastering the craft of it. My satire was anything but the best, I wouldn't even say I mastered it, but it did take a while for me to perfect my voice. If no one isn't consistently trying and making an effort, then satire as we know it on here won't have proper representation.
I would love to cite what DarshayataDeka said:
You've been going at it.
I wasn't too hot on Eyelash. Probably because I have a specific sense of humor and I care way too much about delivery, but still. That was adored, and this is adored, too. This seems to be hitting the sweet spot for everyone. And usually, when I review works on here, I have to preface it with a message saying "None of this is personal, not trying to be a pessimist, but here's why I didn't like it and how it could be fixed."
There is nothing bad about this poem. I'm not a fan of it, but there's nothing bad about this poem.
Maybe that's why it's taking me so damn long to review it, seeing as I have a considerably less amount of passion for it. There is nothing wrong with the format, no grammar mistakes, you don't make any ridiculous claims. There is nothing here that absolutely irks me. Which...is good. I actually really enjoyed that. There is still one glaring problem in this poem that doesn't ruin the poem, but it prevents it from being wonderful.
This isn't satire.
I mean, yeah, I guess it is, but it's also not. There is a clear line between humor and satire. Satire provides commentary, used to mock something in particular. Humor provides knock knock jokes and fart noises. If anything, this poem falls in the latter by a long shot. Even then, I am critical on the humor element of it. You are specifically targeting something, the typical "format tedious" poetry we all see, but you are only pointing your finger at them. You aren't providing zingers, ribs, anything like that. You're simply going, "Hey!", then saying nothing else.
This should be established right now; just because it's random doesn't mean it's actually funny. I'm talking in general, just not this poem. Satire uses surrealism/absurdity, which is close to being random, but not really. The subject matter they choose, typically dark/culturally offensive, has reason for it. "Love is muscular dystrophy". You...that just shouldn't work, but it has support behind it. Humor typically relies on being random, which only works for a short extent. It's not as effective as some suggest.
"Zoinks! Look how craaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAaaaaAaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAthere was another shooter on the Grassy Knoll AAAAaaaZY I can geeeet! YIKES! HAHA!
Huge over exaggeration, but most of the time, it's immature. Being immature isn't guaranteed laughs. Other people love it, I genuinely don't. If you look at this poem in particular, you do take that approach in a modest attempt, but there still lacks reason behind it. "Grapes with cheese!" "Haha!". Like, are you poking fun at a specific style by doing that? What are you trying to achieve? This would work well labeled as Humor, but as Satire, it demands a specific focus. It demands that the audience must be inside the know to get the joke.
There is no real intention behind this. Even if it's to garner laughs, it doesn't do its job well. If a humorous piece of work only relies on randomness, it has less of a chance of working. You could bring up the format, how it mocks poetry that relies on ridiculous formats like that, but you only use the format for the sake of using the format. Once again, you're pointing your finger, shouting "Hey!", then turning your back. You use it so loosely, it lacks any critical hit power. Plus, I find it way too similar to Eyelash. *queue @Hattable chanting "Var-ee-aa-shun!" in the background.*
It'd be a stretch to go, "Willard! You didn't get the joke! You just wasted your time!" to make all of this redundant because I'm judging it by what I see on paper. Only what I see on paper, as I feel as if it doesn't go deeper. In future humor/satire efforts, do make it fleshed out or have enough in-jokes to have more beneath the surface than "Grapes with cheese! Aha!"
Nothing you do is bad in this poem, but it could be refined a lot more. It's middle of the road now, and there's nothing wrong about that. The beauty of writing, especially at a young age, is that you can grow as a poet, a satirist, and a person. You definitely have potential. Just got to mess with it more. That's all. Sorry if I didn't critique any particular part of the poem, but there was nothing that was so ridiculous that I must tear it down to its core.
Believe it or not, this was a delight to read and review.
I hope you have a great day. Heck, a groovy one.
Thank you! This review was very interesting to read. XD You said you didn't critique it much, but just your commentary was extremely helpful. I do love me some satire, so I plan on going through your portfolio.
The reason I labelled this as satire is for the meaning I had given this piece, the one which I wasn't clear enough on and didn't elaborate.
I am not a post. I write a collection of short stories (which are satire, and in my opinion, a much better example of it. If you like satire, consider checking out my Frost Lark series). I don't regard myself as a good poet, or even a mediocre one. But I read poetry a lot, and one thing I've always thought weird is that poets often use abstract concepts to document relatively bland things. This piece was poking fun at that, with such an abstract and random concept being used to, seemingly, teach a life message.
My explanation probably made little sense, but I hope maybe it shows you my thought process when I labelled this satire.
Once again, thanks for the review! I intend to look through your portfolio, as a fellow satire appreciator!
This. Is. Beautiful.
Thank. You.
You. Are. Welcome
Hey! This was a really interesting poem. It was kinda deep and humorous at the same time. The only mistakes that I saw was to make sure that you capitalize all the I's at least. I know some poems purposefully don't capitalize the first letter but at least the I's. And that's it. It had good flow even if the format was a little unusual. It was really sweet and simple. It made you think about people in a different way and kinda of encourage you to do things that you wouldn't do normally. Although it weird it had a deeper meaning. I know it's supposed to be funny but good job. Definitely a favourite. Keep writing! <3
Sarah24
Thanks for the review! Glad you enjoyed!
You're really funny! Good job.
Is it strange that I find this poem kind of... deep? o.O
The more I read it, the more it becomes a simple masterpiece. Sheyren, what have you done?
XD Glad you... Enjoyed?
I most certainly did XD Great stuff you got going.
Next time, write a poem about being a PotatoLord
Maybe.
I expected a Game of Thrones pun at the end, nevertheless.
Sorry, don't watch GoT. XD
Neither have I; but I'm reading the book-- first one and half-way through it, and apparently cheese and grapes are very much a GoT thing and so.
**holds in reference for sake of spoilers**
Hi! Thought I'd drop in for a quick review. I know this is not a serious poem, but still.
First with "Eyelash " and now with this poem, you are without doubt the most humorous poet on YWS. Using this format (I don't know what it's called) instead of the traditional box format and lowercase letters to begin a new line makes the poem unique and special. I loved it! Keeping it short and simple and ending it in a kind of abrupt and funny way made it more hilarious. I did not notice any typos and stuff. If you want, then you could add more details in the middle. But, like this also, the poem is very attractive to the reader's eye and worthy of a good laugh.
Overall, it was a great poem, a humorous work and a pleasant read. Keep up the good work!
Thank you for the review!
You are welcome. By the way, after reading your poem, I tried having a few grapes and a piece of cheese, and it was kind of sour-bitter. Not liked by my tongue.
XD One day, perhaps, I'll eat a grape with cheese.
One day, perhaps....%uD83D%uDE1C
Needs more lemon.
No. No more lemons.
We need to cure scurvy PotatoLord
Yeah PotatoLord jeez