Hi Sheyren. Happy Review Day!
There is a time and place for avant-garde poetry. Or, as you mentioned below, pushing the bounds of poetry. I don't know you enough as poet to provide an insightful review, so I read some of your other work. It's clear to me that you're satirical, maybe a bit of a cynic. That's fine, and it helps me address this a bit better.
My number one recommendation is to be in service of your audience, instead of against them. If it's a goal of yours to push the boundaries of poetry, then do it honestly. Perhaps you do come by it honestly, but also remember how this might be interpreted by your readers. You do not want to alienate your readers, lest you lose your readership entirely. Of course, on a website like YWS, you're always going to have someone reading something of yours. But if you're thinking of publishing this, a very small few (if any) might understand this, let alone relate to it. You have given us very little to grasp onto. It's not my intent to be scathing, but I think the issue here is that I am getting the impression that you're either not taking yourself seriously or that you're taking yourself too seriously. Consider what image you want to portray and make your poetry work for you.
Have you read Art & Fear by Bayles and Orland? I recommend that you do. It speaks to the importance of working towards achieving art, as opposed to making something art right away. There is a sense of immodesty if you do the latter. Do not get away with yourself and understand that if you really want to achieve something impactful and make a difference for a reader, there needs to be some element of relatability, an element of emotion, and purposefulness. The purpose here - and in many of your pieces, I think - is along the lines of mockery. A time and a place, Sheyren. I do not understand why you would want to confuse your audience. I can get making them uncomfortable because that can be a worthwhile endeavour in poetry, but do not put yourself on a pedestal. If anything, the poet should be looking up towards their audience.
I'm writing this because I think you're confident as a writer. I'm curious about your artistic philosophy considering this and other pieces because I cannot understand somebody whose aim it is to confuse their reader. Make them uncomfortable and uncertain? Fine. Confuse? Nope.
I hope you can read this in the best way possible, and I genuinely mean well with this review. I hope that it has pushed you to reflect as a writer and ask yourself some more questions. I'm always here to help clarify if need be.
Kudos to you for trying out something so radical.
All the best,
Lavvie
Points: 18486
Reviews: 522
Donate