young shao held in his mind
a number of persistent questions
that had been there for many days.
and so, he went to the monastery
where he had heard the wise man of
haikus resided. when he arrived,
he saw the wise man out in the
garden, watering the flowers.
seventeen flowers were growing,
five in the first row, seven in the
second, and five in the third.
young shao said to the wise
man of haikus “what does it
all mean? why is the sky
decorated with clouds, the earth
decorated with grass, the trees
decorated with leaves? what is
the logic behind this design? is
it god? the dao? natural process?”
the wise man of haikus took a deep
breath and looked up to the sky. “i
couldn’t tell you.”
“but you’re the wise man of haikus!
surely you have found the answers to
questions, through your meditation and
contemplative writing!” shao said in protest.
“look bud,” was the start of the reply
his exasperated protests were met with.
“you’ve got the wrong guy.
i’m just the grounds gardener.
the wise man’s inside.”
the gardener returned to watering his
flowers, muttering to himself. “the
wisest thing i’ve ever done is plant
azaleas here instead of hydrangeas.”
at that moment, young shao had become enlightened.
Hey. This poem that you wrote is very interesting. I am a fan of Haikus. I have to admit when I read the title I thought there are going to be a couple of haikus but I liked more the story in verses that you wrote. My favorite part of this story was the metaphor of the flowers. I think it's very creative. I don't really have a negative critique to do.
Great poem,
MoonIris.
Hello, hello! I'm here to review!
The title did catch my eye, so good on you for that! My first issue, is that, by the fourth line, the flow of the poem is completely lopsided. The line "where he had heard the wise man of
haikus resided. " Unless you are going for a freestyle poem, try fixing this! It really makes it feel out of place.
I do like the flowers though, how they are the lines of a haiku! Very nice, very nice!
"The wise man of haikus took a deep breath and looked up to the sky. “i couldn’t tell you.” THIS LINE. For some reason, I really, really like it! It simplistic and the mans reply is common, yet intriguing.
I love how by the end of the poem the character realizes that once he goes into the palace or temple of building, he'll be the one knowing how to make haikus with grace and simplicity. Or just by going there, he was struck with an idea. I also loved the snarky comment from the groundskeeper!
Good job, overall! : )
- Cow
Hello, Stormblessed here!
I liked this a lot! The free verse was very well done, as was the haiku.
This made me laugh, and I hope you keep writing more like it!
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