Hey! Manilla here for a review.
As a reader
There was a fun twist at the end and your specific word choice helps really build up the dramatic yet heartening effect. I’m assuming it’s someone epicly eating a steak of an animal they really shouldn’t be eating. The lack of punctuation helps with the humor for me! But when you say
my napkin takes them like pows
I am assume you mean prisoners of war? I understand the lack of capitalization but you need to make the meaning of the abbreviation clear somehow. Otherwise, an enjoyable read! The style of comedy is fresh and original and you should keep it up.
As a writer
As a poet you want to unlock the meaning of your words and since the poem is (effectively) brief. The flow of the poem is great in the first two paragraphs and the fourth doesn’t need it, for the sake of comedic affect. The third however is a little choppy to me, personally, and perhaps some spicy adjectives or adverbs could bring light and polish to your message.
Keep it up! This was hilarious! I hope my review helps you construct a better piece.
-Manilla out
Points: 110
Reviews: 121
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