Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.
your hot breath against my skin,
feeling like an unending sin.
but what is a sin
except a notion created by one’s own kin?
your gentle fingers caressing my face,
making me give into the chase.
but why do we need to make haste?
when all we need is a pace.
your bare legs entwined with mine,
causing me to cross that line.
but which damn line says you can’t be mine
so long as we are forever and always running out of time?
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,029 Literary Works • 672,781 Reviews
Hey Tinybookfaire here for a review...
This was a very interesting poem. To be honest, this is the first work I’ve ever encountered with this high of a rating. I’m guessing you edited it so that there won’t be much cussing words because I don’t see much bad words except for the “Damn” part that Mangline was referring to either. So I’m not technically sure on what to say becasue this was actually a really detailed poem and I love the fact that there were details. All I would suggest is Maybe capitalize the first word of each sentence. Or not....you don’t have to ‘cause it’s totally up to you, but i’m Just putting it out there.
Also, I’ve never really read much romantic works here in YWS except for this one. I mean, I have but not as ROMANTIC as this one. (If you know what I mean))). First time for everyone, i guess. Lol.
Anyway, great job and keep writing!
~Tinybookfarie
Ok, I'm here for the review. I think your punctuation could've been a bit better, and I think that it would improve your writing without the cursing? And, what's with the,
"so long as we are forever and always running out of time?"
But, other than that, I liked it.
It was very romantic, and it explains to the reader how close and intimate the (I'm assuming) couple are to each other.
Have a good day/ afternoon/ night.
Oh, and, try to work on your writing skills, ok? Thanks. The best of luck,
MANGLINE.
That was cute
Hey there , here for the review.
let me appreciate your work here.
You can add genre here .I felt comedy .It was flirtatious . I litterly laughed in following lines .
1)Your hot breath against my skin,
2(but which damn line says you can’t be mine
3)so long as we are forever and always running out of time?
Few words on how to improve it .
you used all small letters here . New lines of the poem must contain capital letters .
otherwise it is nice poem .
have a great day ahead .