Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Poetry » Lyrical

E - Everyone

Night and Day

by restlessheart14


Breathing before the dawn breaks,

The gleaming silver moonlight glistens in the gloom.

Ceaselessly shining for only a few eyes to see, 

The skylight skates across the sky as it surfaces.

Raging through ranges the sun razes, 

The rays forcing the dry earth to flake,

Leaving fine golden powder in their wake. 

Gasping after time lapses into a magnificent dusk. 


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
131 Reviews


Points: 8053
Reviews: 131

Donate
Sun Aug 28, 2016 3:46 pm
godlypopo wrote a review...



Hello, Godly here for a review and happy review day!

The imagery in this poem is really well thought out and gives the poem a gripping nature making me want to read on. The rhythm is smooth and the poem in a nutshell flows seamlessly for me which I really enjoy when reading poems! To be honest the poem is just incredibly beautiful and represents an amazing talent in imagery! The use of sophisticated vocabulary truly emphasises the quality of the poem and represents you well as an author. Referring to making it flow, you use a lot of soft sounds throughout making it feel smooth. This fits the mood of the poem well and helps to bring out the imagery. For example if you were to use sharp sounds the poem would seem more edgy and it would not fit the message/story of the poem at hand. My interpretation comes from the only a few eyes to see. This represents how our world is today as how it is difficult to see the beauty of the sky any more due to light pollution parading our skies. This fact is upsetting and all know that it will just get worse. However this causes us to appreciate the night sky a lot more when we do get to see it. It's a hidden world that only very few are able to experience now-a-days. My interpretation is probably very wrong but that is what is in my mind.

Overall this is an amazing poem that shows your potential as a writer!
All the best,
Godly :D




User avatar
501 Reviews


Points: 1494
Reviews: 501

Donate
Sat Aug 06, 2016 11:40 am
View Likes
felistia wrote a review...



Hi, Felistia here with a review for you on this wonderful day. :D

Nit-picks

The skylight skates across the sky as it surfaces.
My only complaint for this poem really is this line. You repeat the word "sky" twice and it feels a bit repetitive. If I were you, I'd replace one of them with another word. Maybe use the word "heavens" for the second "sky".

Overall thoughts

Theme: I'm not sure if there's a deeper meaning to this poem, but I really like the elegant theme that you presented. This is a well used theme, but by no means is it over used in my eyes. You used sophisticated language to convey the pictures you were describing and it was a joy to read. :D

Rhythm: Your rhythm was great even though there wasn't any rhyming scheme that I could see. There was the one place where there were rhymes
The rays forcing the dry earth to flake,

Leaving fine golden powder in their wake.
I think that this might have just been by chance though.

Description: I loved the detailed descriptions that you laced through out the poem. You used complex words to bring the poem to a new level. My only complaint though is that I didn't think you used enough colours. The only bit of colour you had in the poem was the word "golden. In my eyes what you are describing is a very colourful spectacle that happens everyday and I just think that you could include a bit more colour. Add in words like "crimson" or "silver". There only needs to be a few. :D

Title: The title basically described what the poem was about, but it lacked the complexity of the poem itself. It was a rather simple title for such a beautiful poem. Maybe make a title like "Sunrise, Sunset" just for example

Overall it was a great poem and I look forward to the next one. Never stop writing and I hope you have a great day\night. :D

Your friend, Felistia. :D

This review courtesy of Image






Thanks for the review! I was going for the uses of alliteration and consonance for the rhythm and the two lines that rhymed were intentional there at the end. :)




The roots of education are bitter, but the fruit is sweet.
— Aristotle