z

Young Writers Society


12+

Blue and Red

by restlessheart14


Silver Metal

Red and Blue knives

Take them back

The red is sharper

Take them back

The blue is duller

Take them back

The red is more efficient

Take them back

The blue requires more effort

Take them back

The red is the color of blood as it drips, crimson

Take them back

The blue is the color of my tears as the cut is dragged deeper, forever deeper

Take them back…please…

Together they cause pain, together they take away pain


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
40 Reviews


Points: 166
Reviews: 40

Donate
Sat Feb 06, 2016 5:03 am
DoubleOJell0 wrote a review...



Ok, here for a review!

There's some stuff that I have noticed...

First of all,
"The blue is the color of my tears"

Tears are actually colored silver and not blue, and if it was actually colored blue, it would be better to remove the "the" in the beginning.
Second of all,
"Back...please..."
Very minor, but add space! Back ...please.../ Back... please...

And that's it! I really enjoyed this by the way!




User avatar
111 Reviews


Points: 8421
Reviews: 111

Donate
Wed Dec 30, 2015 3:17 pm
MissLyricz wrote a review...



Hey restlessheart! :D

I must say, I really enjoyed reading your poem, it was exceptional to read! I loved the way you have structured it, how every second line is the same, which brings the reader to the attention of a serious theme.

The symbolism was very deep, meaningful and reflected raw emotion, which expressed the sad realities of stress and depression. I think you have done well in this regard and it is very admirable and is to be commended, my friend!

Your understanding and style of showing how stress and depression feels is truly magnificent, you are a talented writer and I look forward to reading your future works!


MissLyricz x




User avatar
77 Reviews


Points: 104
Reviews: 77

Donate
Mon Dec 14, 2015 10:12 am
MemoryHunter wrote a review...



Hi, I'm here to review your poem~
I thought it was an interesting insight on the feelings of depression. I never would've described stress and depression better than this! I feel like everything you said corresponds to the things I am experiencing daily.

The ending is true in so many levels!

Together they cause pain, together they take away pain
I know that feeling!

I love poems like this that are not too straightforward with its readers. It makes me feel reassured that other poets can read ideas in other perspectives, and that's nice.

Wow, this is hard to criticize. I'm not much experienced in the field of poems.

That's all I have to say, happy writing~





Some twenty years from now, users will ask a similar question about world famous Chicken poetry and Google will tell them about alliyah.
— Hkumar