What's Left of Me

Poetry isn't a piece of literature poets randomly write down. It isn't a skill you can pick up out of the blue, or a skill you can be born with. A Poem, in its entirety, is a way a poet or an author, expresses their views on the earth, life, or emotions. I don't get that when I read this. I feel empty after reading this. Like I was cheated. Give me more imagery. Build your vocabulary. That's my suggestion. Best of luck to you, sugar cube!!!!

Hey there!

Starleene here!

I have come to review your work! Yay! Let’s take this stanza by stanza, eh?

“Hollow thudding of a heart
that no longer cares,
empty in the worst of ways.”

I think that the comma after cares should be replaced with a semi colon. That way you create a dramatic statement with the last line.

“A love burning deep,
so deep it burns what's left of me-
withoout his whisper of a kiss
or brown eyes staring so bright”

I think that if you’re going to write poetry you should have an innate sense of rhythm. You words have to sing, they have to roll off each other and yet complete each other. If you change your pose will-nilly then it throws the reader off. Also, without is spelled with one o. I believe that’s a typo.

“Gone is the day
we were so full of bliss,
a sweet innocece
that took us above and beyond.”

“So” in the second like disturbs the balance of this stanza. Innocence is spelled like this.

“They say the heartache will pass with the days
but the days pass with more and more pain.”

This is a sad line and it makes me want to cry. This is a beautiful sentiment and I can feel a lot of emotion in this stanza.

“Can I bear a world
where your absence haunts me
day and night, there's no escape.”

Comma after me but that’s the only negative I have to say about this stanza, very well done. The rhyme and the tempo are good and it flowed right into the next stanza.


“Any other way I could of stayed,
I wish I could of found maybe just one
cause now all thats left
is a numb disguise
with nothing but yearning,
a love burning deep
so deep it burns what's left of me... “

Hmm, this stanza is very wishy-washy. On one hand it has great imagery but on the other it throws off the entire feel of the piece. I feel that you may have rushed the ending and that’s never good if you want your reader to experience what you’ve written. Don’t forget an apostrophe in front of ‘cause and in the contraction that’s.

Even though I gave this piece a mixed review, I think that the emotion is there and if you make it up just write, you can have the reader feel what this poem means to you. And that’s what it’s all about. The experience.

Good Luck! Happy writing!

Starleene Out.