The next few weeks were weeks of packing, and practice. Anya drilled her tacks and jibes every day. She cleaned the boat the day before the trip to Huron began.
“Stupid Anya, ya beat me and I’m STILL captain of the team!” Megan called to Anya as they entered the large blue bus that would be taking them to Huron. Anya just stuck her tongue out and continued to the farthest seat in the bus. She pulled out an old, worn book, called Sail Through a Storm, it was by her uncle. She leafed through the worn pages and pulled out the weathered note, To Luka Bergoni, with love, Your Brother. “Mom!” She whispered. Sighing she wrapped it up in the oil cloth again and stuck it in her bag, trying to cover the tears streaming down her face. Unfortunately, Megan had already seen them.
“Hey guys!” She shouted, “Anya’s a crybaby!” Anya pulled her jacket’s hood around her face and tried to exterminate the everlasting tears coming like a waterfall now. Megan pointed to the back of the bus at her and giggled. Soon, a torpedo of laughter hit Anya. She stood up with force,
“Guys! Would you like it if you had to live a life without your mom? I do every day! I go through big achievements, like making on to this team or getting on the honor role at school and she doesn’t even know about it!” The team was silent, “My dad tries to support me as I go through the teen years, but it’s hard for him too! Please, keep your feelings to yourself!” At that, she wiped the tears from her face and bravely sat down to meet the day.
It was at Huron Hills Hotel, and Anya was sitting in the lobby with a steaming mug of Hot Chocolate. Coach Davis sat down next to her with his own cup of coffee. His gruff annoyed face was gone and replaced with a sympathetic smile. Anya picked up the course paper for the next day and tried to remember it. South mark, tack to windward mark then reach to west mark, jibe north mark. That’s a lot! She thought placing the paper down and looking at her Coach who was getting up to get creamer.
“Coach Davis?” She said.
“Yes Anya?” Coach Davis muttered back from his position at the coffee machine.
“Do you think I have to share a room with Megan?” She sighed and Coach Davis laughed,
“I know you don’t like Megan but, yes you do have to share a room!” He smiled and patted her on the back, “Nervous about the regatta tomorrow?” A regatta is a sailboat race with several races. Anya shook her head casually.
“Nope! I’ll just try to get some sleep so I can get out of bed in the morning! That race start time is early!” Anya smiled
“Well, you better go and get some sleep girl! You want to be ready to sail tomorrow!” Anya nodded and walked toward her room.
The day dawned early, and the X Boat team from Staghorn was up at Dawson’s Marina doing all the many preparations of a regatta, checking life jackets, hoisting the sail, and cleaning the seems like eternal bugs that lived in the boats. At about seven o’ clock the skippers and their crew were out on Lake Huron. Anya now felt the dreadful nervousness that she knew was coming. Sitting on the edge of her boat, also called the rail, her heart was beating at a horrible pace. The start line was coming up and the amount of boats around it was surprising. It was like a middle school hallway in between class periods. As was the rules of racing, no one can cross the start line before the horn, so all the boats have to turn into the wind, which makes their sails flap, to stop. Anya had many thoughts going through her head, should I start on starboard or port, right or left? She thought. She had never sailed in so many boats before! Finally the horn started and Anya started off on the starboard tack. Megan was behind her sailing fast, for once, Anya was rooting for Megan. She focused only on the boats ahead of her and how to get up to them. Come on little boat! She thought The finish is coming up! She pulled in her sail carefully, only bringing it in the slightest bit so it would bring the boat optimum speed. A boat slid up on her port side, threatening to pass her. Anya climbed down from the rail and pulled in the jib , a smaller sail in front of the boat, For David so that they could go even faster, the boat sped up and crossed the finish line in third place. Anya high-fived David and sailed toward Dawson’s Marina so that Coach Davis could tell her what to do better. He was standing with a smile on his face, indicating that the round had been great! Megan was tying her boat up and holding a medal in her hand.
“You WON?” Anya asked incredulously. Megan nodded, a sense of accomplishment glowing on her face. She looked down at Anya with a superior air and smiled the sickly smile of hers.
“Of course I did!” She whispered, so that Coach Davis didn’t hear her, “Why wouldn’t I?” With that she waved a princess-like wave to Anya and sauntered off toward the Water lady Café, where the team was to eat their lunch. Anya sighed, You don’t need to focus on Megan, Anya just focus on doing better! She told herself firmly. David was earnestly rolling up the sails and hanging their life jackets to dry. He looked happy enough by himself and Anya was hungry, so she left him to tie the boat up.
The Water Lady Café, a small business that rarely got more than three customers a day, was bustling with people. Anya promptly ordered a small piece of pie and some coffee for David and herself. David, though only a year younger than her, was still small enough to pass as a ten year old and she secretly took advantage of the half price deal. it’s been a good race! She thought.
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ZLYF here to review for you!
Messenger, I'm like your reviewing ghost! This is a very nice little piece you have. (Yeah, I know it's chapter two!)
Alright, let's get right down to the meat!
...The next few weeks were weeks of packing, and practice...
Double weeks close to each other. There is no need of a comma after packing. I would rephrase for you this sentence as: The next few weeks were drowned in packing and practice.
Sounds better?
...She pulled out an old, worn book, called Sail Through a Storm, it was by her uncle....
No need of a comma between book and called. Split this into sentences. The point of split between Storm and It.
...Sighing she wrapped it up in the oil cloth again and stuck it in her bag, trying to cover the tears streaming down her face...
Comma between sighing and she. Use attempting instead of trying? That might give the sentence a little more punch!
I think Messenger has netted all the other mistakes, so I'll wrap this up with a command.
Keep Writing!!
Messenger here to review for ya on Happy Review Day!
You need to make this a separate line from the paragraph it is in. Every time someone starts talking you need to make it a new line.
You need commas after the words "Meagan" and "yes."
Change first "race" to contest. I mean you are writing "a regatta is a race with a race."
Th giant paragraph that starts with that line needs to be divided into several paragraphs.
So, I feel like the stand up in the bus was a great part. I enjoyed it. It was a powerful way to shut the kids up. But I also feel like your races are too fast. It seems like they've just begun and then they finish. Try to slow down a little more, and giv us more detail as to what is going on around Anya's boat.
Keep it up!