Chapt. 2
The Staghorn Team was well decorated when they returned home to Idaho. Anya had won the Young Sailor’s Award and Meagan had gotten 3rd overall. Fall was beginning to take-hold of Staghorn and the days were breezy. The Optimist Sailors sailed less and less. One especially frosty morning, Anya was standing on her dock looking wistfully at the waves lapping at the shore. Her sail-boat was in the garage until summer, collecting stink-bugs and dust. She flew into the house, and rapped on the door of her mother’s office,
“ Mom, I need to talk to you!” She said hurriedly, “I’ve been thinking a lot about my sailing recently and I think I want to do more with it.” The sun caught the gold plate on her Sailor’s Medal and it glinted in her eye, “I want to move to Florida.”
Her mother sharply looked at her, “Anya Meredith Bergoni! Where did you get that idea?”
Anya was suddenly solemn, “I know they have a great sailing team near Miami and I would love to get on a bigger team there. Sail in places like the Black Sea.”
“Anya, you’re 13! Can’t you get hooked up in some other sport? Maybe soccer, lacrosse? I will tell you right now that moving all the way to Florida is ridiculous!” Her mother sighed and waved her out of the office, “Go do your homework!”
Anya stood where she was, “Mom, I know you don’t want to move all the way across the country for my sailing, but I want to sail professionally. I’ve told you ever since I was 5 that I wanted to be a Mechanical Engineer, I really want to get serious with my sailing. Please, just consider the idea?”
Her mother started typing on the computer, “Well Anya, it says here that there is a nice condo out of the city, that might, just might be acceptable. I’ll talk to your father.”
Anya did a internal victory dance, and walked off to watch TV.
In the office she heard tid-bits of conversation, “Why does she want to do that?”
Then in a higher voice, “Your daughter, Mike!” Finally, After 2 hours, the door opened.
Her dad walked out looking annoyed, “Alright Anya, we’re moving to Florida.” He held his hands up and stepped back as if defeated. I’ve heard of some jobs down at the beach shops that I might be able to take, and your mom applied for a job at a local doctor’s office.
Their new condo was small, it had 1 master bedroom and a small guest room where Anya was to sleep. All they could see out their window was swamps, and factories. The ocean was at least 10 miles away. Anya signed up for the sailing program there and joined the International team. Now she knew that her lifelong dream of sailing internationally was coming true.
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Hey there! It's BitterRosemary here to give you a review.
I hate to give you a negative review, but i feel like it is necessary.
yes, this piece is encouraging an happy and "let's-chase-our-dreams-and-everything-will-work-out-along-the-way" kind of thing. I guess some people like or appreciate that. I do not.
This piece is unrealistic as a whole. She asks her mom to go to Florida then later that day, her parents decide, practically on a whim, to move to Florida? I have moved 7 times in my life ad I know for a fact that this is not how it works. Not even close. Her mom would never decide that, especially based on a whim or Anya's "dream", especially because in the first half of the chapter you portrayed Anya's other as a disagreeable, stubborn woman, not a woman given to moving to a new state to accomodate her daughter's "dreams".
Again, sorry, I fell like a butthead now, but I felt like this needed a dose of reality.
BitterRosemary
Yeah, I know it needed it. I was getting over a serious bout of writer's block and just needed to move on with the story. Thanks!
A great chapter
It is a story of determination and encouragement. It has a great message and is strong. Your writing is pretty good. You're really good at describing certain things like the sea in the first paragraph. Great description and good imagery. I couldn't find no faults! Your writing has a lovely plain style, that is easy to pick up and understand. I loved it 