Some people call me a villain, others call me evil. I call my self DOMINUM (or lord in Latin). Trust me, ruling a bunch of rowdy so called “good guys” isn’t so easy. In the land of Vulnus, in the dark caves, I live. My cave is a cliché bad guy hide out. You know, guns on the wall, a monitor to see how my country is going. Vulnus is a pretty shabby city, it’s kinda embarrassing to me to see how it goes. Trash scattered around the cobble-stone streets and old nails poking up through the many bridges over the dirty water.
Now, I’ll get to the part about me. I might (just might) tell you one of my biggest secrets. I’ll do that later… maybe. Some embarrassing facts about me are my pet bird. I bet no bad guy in all of Bat-Man or Harry Potter has a pet bird. Ducky, as he is called, is a cockatiel. My young apprentice, that I easily got rid of 30 years ago, had a speech problem so he called him… fu….Oh never mind. Another fact. I have been making-out on my pillow ever since I was 3. It started when I saw my mom kiss my dad. Now, It’s just a thing because no one would ever kiss a bad-guy. And one more, I never have murdered anyone. Trust me, I’ve tried! But every time my stupid conscience gets in my way. Those guns on my wall still have the bullets in them from when I started my “Rein of Terror” (I wish)
I wish my people would hide and cower when they hear my name. I wish they would scream after having nightmares about me. But who is scared of a 5 foot tall guy who never went through puberty. (Did I just say that?) My blondish hair makes me look like a giant teddy bear!
Now… Where’s the drum role? I will tell you my biggest secret. Do I have to do this Ducky? Alright. I suck my thumb at night. A habit that started last year. I’m afraid of my town starting a rebellion against me! I stay up all night, scared of my own citizens! What kind of bad guy am I? I’m the bad guy that never was….
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So..
why this so called villain is giving the reader a lesson: '(or lord in Latin)' I do not know. But it's very odd and not very suited to the piece.
Having said that, you have a wonderfully original voice, as with here:
'I bet no bad guy in all of Bat-Man or Harry Potter has a pet bird.'
I feel like this is more of a stream of consciousness piece as opposed to anything else, and I;m not sure what you are trying to achieve here, but... if it;s the villain that never was then I'm guessing that this is why: they are too random. XD
Cool idea.
Very interesting story. I like the way that it's written -- Like you're talking to me in a casual conversation rather than large, unnecessary words being used. It's a fun piece of work. There were a few grammatical issues, but nothing too serious. All in all, keep writing! You do a fabulous job.
This is awesomeness. Funny.
I'll be back to review possibly later on.
i like the character you use in this story. He is a confidence short character with habits he is ashamed of like thumb sucking. and he nurses an idea that putting up a front is going to change the way his subjects view him. He is so sensitive..you describe a typical teenager here,(never mind he's 30 plus and skipped puberty) he is peculiar but he is certainly not the only one out there.
Thanks!