Waking Up

Hello there, I’m here to review your poem. First off, I wanted to say that I really liked this. It’s so unique, and you used your words and punctuation very well. A few things that I would like to point out:

Why oh why
didn't you
warn me?

You’ve started this off very well. I think it gets the reader’s attention quite nicely. Warn you about what? They want to know more. It’s so simple too, it gives the impression that you’re actually having a conversation with someone through the poem.

That the dream,
that dream,
would seem

So beautiful,
beautiful,
fatal.

Wow. I think your wording here is quite powerful. “Beautiful” and “fatal” are things that you would never think would be together in a sentence, but here they are. One nitpick I’d like to point out, though: I think you could find a better way to phrase the first few lines here. It leads into such an interesting next stanza that it almost seems like it doesn’t quite belong there, style-wise. Consider more interesting word choice, but if you like it then cool.

That I'd
never want
to wake?

Why oh why
did you
tell me,

that the dream
that dream
was a sheen

of fake,
so fake
bitter fate?

The next couple of stanzas are pretty straightforward, but I was a little confused by the last two. How can fate be fake? Are you saying that the person wanted the fate of the dream to occur in real life? If so, why is fate being described as “bitter?” I would suggest rewording this.

When really the truth,
the horrid truth,
with claw and tooth

Just wanted to say, I loved the rhyme here. A lot of times, with very short poems the rhyme scheme comes across as weak, but not here. Great job.

Was that reality,
clawing reality
not a symphony

Of beautiful,
beautiful
music?

I think you might be missing a verb in there somewhere, but it gets the point across. I like how it ended with a question, and yet it didn’t need anything else. I also liked your choice to use “clawing” to describe reality. It gives a great impression of what the person’s life is like.

Overall, great job! Consider the suggestions that I’ve made, if you’d like, but this poem is really great. Awesome job!
Keep writing!
~Devan

Hello there, my name is Scarlett and I'll reviewing your poem this morning.

First off, this is actually rather...lacking. I like it, but it's so short, there's no real imagery and the flow isn't all the smooth. And there's not much in the way of metaphors. I don't get what you're trying to say here, it's just your thoughts written down here. You could do so much more with this, and I'm afraid that's all I can really say here. I want to know, i want [/i]more[/i]. Tell me more, why, how, who, when, where, please? I know very little with this, and it kind of bugs me. Where is the story here? Because I certainly don't see it.

And I agree with Kyll. Repetitive words and phrases make your work boring, make it lack that something that makes it great! You should expand on this, give us more to go on and maybe we'd like it more. Please expand on it, give me more to go on, and let me know. I'll be back to give you a proper review!

Overall, I very interesting poem here, despite what it lacks. And I just have to say thank you for the beautiful work! I do like it, and I am going to click like, despite it not being the best work I've seen so far.

Remember; Keep it up and never stop writing!

~Scar

This poem was very, very, very, very, very, very, very, (you get the idea) very repetitious. And because it was so very, very repetitious, it was also very, very, very, very, very, very, very, (you get the idea) very annoying to read (for me at least) after the first two stanzas.

Repetitions can get very tiresome very quickly, just like how my using the word "very" so often is probably getting very tiresome to you right now (assuming you ever read this review). That each repetition is so close together just makes the repetition overload seem so much more repetitious and tiresome, especially with how short all the lines and stanzas are. They're too short for this much repetition, to be blunt.

Repetition aside, there really isn't much else to this poem. It's pretty much wholly dependent on repetition, being pretty much wholly repetition, and if you take away the repetition, there's like nothing left to it.

And so I suggest you expand on this poem. Give it more substance outside of the repetition! Add some memorable images and/or situations into the mix and see what comes out. You might be surprised, and even if things don't quite work out, at the very least, the whole process will have been a great learning experience.

As it stands, this poem has room only for improvement, so go forth and have fun improving it!

And I'll stop my too-many-review-in-one-day rambling now.