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139,679 Literary Works • 672,647 Reviews
Hello!
Im Serenya!
I like it! Sounds very good, easy understanding (even though its mostly a bunch of bye greetings.) however I think this is considered more of a poem rather than lyrics. But maybe with more versus and some music and maybe that'd work out. If you ever do that then let me know I'd be interested.
Hello again, phoenix!
After reading Round and Round, I'm noticing the style of music you write. It's hard to grasp that since I can't ever here the music with the lyrics posted, so I'm going to go with it this time around without ever mentioning the possibility of lengthening it!
This is beautiful in a very sweet way. This sounds like something I would love to just start singing as a bedtime ritual. It's just too sweet!
I think the middle part is where it got a bit clunky for the song. Some of the wording was off (for instance, the word "to" was used a lot, lol), and I couldn't really grasp the story or message from it. Namely these lines here:
This is the meat of the song, I can tell, but I can't really get much out of it. Maybe some rephrasing will help the reader better understand it. Even though grammar rules are commonly broken in lyrics, it's still a good guideline to go by for sentence structure. The speaker wants the pernos to leave behind everything to enter their fate? I think. Maybe? I don't know, lol. The speaker seems to regret saying that when she wishes they didn't have to go. I was a bit confused!
That's all I have to critique though. I think the beginning and end tie together very beautifully. I love it when that happens.
Keep writing!
Jabber, the One and Only!