Round and Round

Hi, phoenix!

After I read this, I wanted more. Will you be adding to this? I feel it could benefit from some more behind it! Maybe a story or more explanation to get inside the speaker's head. Food for thought!

What you have is really awesome though, and I like this metaphor between life and a carousel. I've heard it before though, so I do wonder if you'll add on to it to make it a bit more personal and unique. You've certainly mastered the metaphor from what I've read, so bravo to you! I only suggest pushing yourself to make it even better.

My favorite part was probably this:

Twirling and twirling we go,
spinning as the clock ticks away.

That would probably be what I'd like to see more of in your song. It's just so awesome, and I feel like you could easily expand on that to make this song new and unique. It would be fun, actually! Give it a go, even if it's a new song!

The "I love you so, so don't you go" seems to introduce the story I've mentioned earlier. I wonder if maybe there's a possibility for extension in that area then, perhaps introducing the idea that she's gone through this sort of "left behind" mentality many times before. That would lead into the Round and Round idea you have here.

Beautiful start to a potentially gorgeous song! Maybe with a little more thought, it could turn out to be even better. Judging from your creative and beautiful way with words, you could do it no problem!

Keep writing!

Jabber, the One and Only!