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139,679 Literary Works • 672,647 Reviews
Hahah. Hi!
This is amazing. I love it, it's short and sweet and to the point<3 Although, the way you organized it it's kind of wierd... around two words per line??... xD
But it's neat. I really liked it, so keep on writing, and sharing with us. You have the talent. No doubt.
~Solly<3
Hi, TazmaniaGirl to review here!
Let me just say, this is an amazing poem, and I'm guessing you put alot of hard work into this!
A pat on the back!
Posatives -
Great flow.
Descriptive words.
The way you've set it out is great, and it's clear to read.
Great poem!
Negatives.
Punctuation.
Things like capital letters, full stops, ! -?
This kind of thing.
At the end, maybe you could have put " Let this ever be, Bittersweet!".
OVERALL-
Great read, and I hope to here more from you!
~ Tazmaniagirl.
Hello there again, Phoenixwriter! ^^
Ah, just another great poem by you! =D I really enjoy reading your poems. I like your style.
I haven't got much to say about this poem because it just speaks for itself. =) Your message came across great and even though the sentences seem chopped and you barely used any descriptive words, it only adds to this powerful piece.
It's really annoying when stuff like that happens to someone. The suspicion of someone's friendliness but also the pain the narrator must feel and how the narrator can't let the other person know, to protect herself/himself. You did a good job in bringing these feelings forward.
A few nitpicks:
This "S" shouldn't be capitalized because there is a comma behind the sentence before it and you haven't capitalized any of the other letters behind a comma.
This is just a suggestion but I think it would sound a lot better if you scrapped the "but", because you already started the stanza before this one with "but".
Alright, that was all for now! I hope I was able to help you a bit with this poem and if you have any questions, just ask. =)
Keep writing and posting these awesome poems!
-qaralynn-