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141,399 Literary Works • 674,389 Reviews
Hey Ninjas! Here's your second review for Secret Santa. Sorry for the delay, busy bee!
This was a really nice poem. It was nicely written and the flow was steady. I never got lost, not bored. No major nitpicks to pick on. I noticed that you kept a steady tense, with the "I'd"s so that's good!
I liked the way you set up your stanzas, the way your lines arranged themselves. Like I said, the flow was smooth and steady, an this is why it was so. Your line set up is essential to the flow, so always remember that.
I lied. I do have one tiny nitpick.
I don't like those parentheses, in this stanza or the other parenthesed one. I feel like it's a bit distracting and isn't necessary, in my opinion. I suggest a removal of them, but that's up to you. I think flow would work better without them.
That's all from me. Keep on writing!
~ Iggy.
Wow, this is such a great poem! You really are talented. ^^ The imagery is so vivid, and with just a few well-chosen words. *fangirl*
The only suggestion I would have is to change "But I don't mind" to "But I wouldn't mind," to agree with the first line of every stanza. Or change the first line of every stanza to present tense ("I'd kiss these lines" to "I kiss these lines," etc.) It doesn't seem to make as much sense if you're saying you would do all this, but then acting like it is actually happening by saying something about it in present tense. Is that what you were going for? Have to say, it just confused me!
Still, still! Just beautiful! You are a wonderful poet.
I love this poem so much! I love that you didnt have to use much discription or go on and on to get a vivid mental image to the reader. The only thing i do not like about it are the brackets. Personally because when I read things in brakets i take them in a different tone, making it not flow as well for me. Now that may be different from other people but just an opnion. I love the way you started the poem, it definatley grabbed my attention.
I think i would give it a 9/10
Hi,hanorah and this is my review,hope you like it!
I have to say I love this poem its very very good and even though there wasn't much describing words I can imagine being under the rain.I don't have anything badf to say except maybe that you didn't have to use brackets at the end but overall,great poem!well done,would give it a 10/10
Its really good, I see this peom as a lover dancing in the rain. I think you should have not put sentences in () but that you're choice. Its really good, and I loved to read it.
I'll review you today
I like the flow of the poem. It's beautiful with a great meaning. I really like the rythm of the whole thing. CHANGE NOTHING.