Young Writers Society

Hello!!I will be your reviewer today....

First let me point out some basic things.....
Punctuations.....you have punctuated this halfhazardly and it could be improved.....
Division of stanzas.....you have again divided it into 15 lines...reduce it to 14 and it would become a sonnet...
Rhymes...you could increase the rhyming words and maybe give it a rhyming pattern of sorts...

Secondly things I liked...

You did a great job in giving such a vivid picture...it has such a nice theme and story...
I liked the way how you started it as well as how you ended it....absolutely fabulous!!!
Then again this being a nature poem and that to realistic makes it a unique poem on its own....
Everything is written and expressed so beautifully that I really love it!

Thirdly let me suggest some titles....

I am not so good with titles myself but you could take a look on what I suggest....

How about.....

The lost garden....or maybe....
..the garden lost in the skysrcapers....or...
A garden once upon a time...

I like this poem, especially the ending. It kept me reading for the first time today. Although there are somethings I think would sound better it changed.

"Higher and higher" repetition is something that is generally disliked.

"Opening their delicate fingers" I wouldn't use fingers, doesn't seem to fit properly. Maybe try "Unfolding their fragile layers"?

That's pretty much it. It's too short for me to go in depth, but another suggestion is to add punctuation. I wouldn't have suggested that for it weren't for the commas in the end of the first and second verses which weakened its flow.

"Skyscrapers aren't made of green" My favorite verse of the poem. Good sudden ending, I like that.

Nice work, keep it going noninjaspresent.

Hello there! Ariana with your review today. So first off, you had me hooked. After reading the first few lines, I expected something else. Something more pleasant and sweet. Obviously this is not what I saw, however, it was a good read.

Animal has addressed most of the issues that are on my mind. The only thing left is find a title! Also, please remember to use spell check and punctuation always.

Other than that, this was a pleasing read with some lovely imagery that was bittersweet. You're off to a great start! Keep penning!

Animal is here to save the world review...
Let's get started. Shall we?

This poem has potential but if you can make it rhyme, then it increases its beauty. That was a personal opinion.

In the garden,
daises, lillies, and violets
rising up and reaching
higher and higher
a forest of colours

opening their delicate fingers
to the gentle caress of the sun
only to shy away
as the poison sets in

there is no garden here
just a valley full of weeds
tear them up
take them away
skyscrapers aren't
made of green