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E - Everyone

I have seen...

by nanda


Every man jack, sees the scattered colours,

Hardly any hear them sing.

The songs of gaiety, beauty and wonders,

I've heard them carolling.

I've seen the flowers dancing,

To the wild tunes of winds.

I've seen the trees chatter,

And pass each other grins.

I have seen the scintillating stars,

Diminish the dark of night.

I have beheld the sun bringing new hopes,

And lofty mountains stretching wide.

For all that I feel and see,

I thank the Almighty.

The charm of His nature I can see,

That is the greatest ecstasy.


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28 Reviews


Points: 87
Reviews: 28

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Fri Jul 31, 2020 8:11 am
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DeliriumNervosa wrote a review...



Hi,
Delirium Nervosa here to review your work.
This poem is so lovely! The joy and happiness it conveys is amazing! I also love how you express your thanks and gratefulness at the end. It really makes you take a step back and think about what is important and to thank whoever you believe in for the beauty you have the pleasure to view in your daily life. Thank you for blessing us with this wonderful work.

-Delirium Nervosa




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Fri Jul 31, 2020 5:07 am
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Chakrarao says...



Hi nanda, here chakkrarao. The story was all about the nature right. The nature poem or story is very heart touching to the people . And the way you expressed the feeling of the reality is simply superb. I enjoyed reading your poetry. And keep writing




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40 Reviews


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Reviews: 40

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Thu Jul 30, 2020 10:13 pm
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Beautifulsparkle wrote a review...



Hello, I am here to review the poem. It is a very beautiful one, in my opinion. I like how you began the poem, with the rarity of "hearing the colours sing". Then you explain, almost mythically, the songs of "gaiety, beauty, and wonders". After that I like how you personalised the flowers. They are dancing and I like how you said the trees chatter and pass each other grins. I also liked that you rhymed winds with grins, I love rhymes.
I love that you used the adjective scintillating for stars and the imagery you continue to give "lofty mountains", "the sun bringing new hopes". It is very beautiful. I also love how you ended the poem, thanking God and calling his work ecstasy.




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14 Reviews


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Thu Jul 30, 2020 8:56 pm
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Lezuli wrote a review...



Hello, I'm here for a review.
For starters, I really liked the imagery in this poem. I could really see the scenes depicted here.
#1: Just some little nitpicks about words and such. I don't know much about poems, so this might be pure ignorance on my part, but I'm not if 'scintillating' is really the best word for that sentence. Though an apt description, it just seemed somewhat off in that particular place.
#2: I've never heard of the term 'man jack' before, so I had to Google it to find what it was. It's neat that you use unusual phrases, but since it was such a far cry from anything I had heard before, I got stuck on that one part of the poem and it took me a few lines to get back into the feel of it. I'm not sure if another phrase would work with the feel of your poem, but its simply something to keep in mind.
I hope that this helped you in some way!




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22 Reviews


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Thu Jul 30, 2020 2:37 pm
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deleted18 wrote a review...



Greetings, fellow author!

I must say I have enjoyed reading through your little piece of nature. The poetic discourse had a simple elegance to it, although at times there were a couple of hiccups.

The most prevalent errors are the commas, most of which are unneeded. This is perpetuated a lot in literature classes that every verse needs a comma or a period at the end of it, which is an annoying fallacy. It can really break the flow of the verses and stanzas, so be mindful of those. Put commas only if they're needed.

Another thing is that rhyme isn't the end all and be all, but rather rhythm which is partly given by verse length. Sometimes, your verses go on for too long and then are followed by extremely short verses that still carry on the rhyme, and it's a little jarring. Try reciting your verses aloud, it usually helps with spotting these things.

Lastly, the ending was a little off, it felt out of place with the rest of the poem. It was short but didn't round up the concept, the description, nor appeared to add any meaning. If you could ease into the praising of the divine by leaving the earthly realm and focusing again on the sky then inserting the 'Almighty' you could finish the composition on a better note.

Anyhow, I hope that I haven't been too harsh, that's never my intention and if you need any clarification, don't hesitate to ask.

Cheers,
Bubbles





When something is broken, it can be fixed.
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