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Around me

by nanda


Faces turned around
And chatterboxes in every corner.
Mouths wide open in laughter
All laughing...hi hi hi!
I sit in my place
and look at them
I giggle and chuckle at all these
mugglings....that happen around me!

It may be a mere room
for those who don't sit here.
To me it's a heaven,
I find nowhere..
The studious and the notorious
the lethargic and the curious
all around me!

With the mosquitoes we sit,
smelling cakes being cooked in the pantry.
We make the teachers shout
And exhibit all our eccentricities.

All I see won't be there tomorrow.
I'll certainly miss u my class.
All of us will part our ways
Oh yes! I'll see them
But not the same way I used to see them once..... Around Me!


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Sun May 31, 2020 6:50 pm
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Hkumar wrote a review...



Hello Mahira!

It's a nice and sweet poem based on your true feelings. I guess talks about the emotions that a student has after board exams. Going to different schools or opting different streams. Things do change after this and it's indeed an emotional period. Whether it's after the 10th boards or the 12th board exams. But the best thing is that your best friends will continue to have that special bond that will last forever.
I especially like the second stanza cause it has got a beautiful meaning behind it. A classroom is indeed a place full of all kinds of students, each one has a unique speciality and may have some unusual bondings.
The ending was nice and I guess it's true that we do part our ways. Each one takes a step ahead towards their own path and interests. But like I said we will still have those beautiful memories of our classrooms that we can cherish lifelong.

Great work!
Keep writing :D
#TeamAquamarine




nanda says...


Thank you so much @Hkumar! I am extremely glad to know that you loved my work. It's a matter of fortune for a girl like me to receive so much love. So thanq very very much!



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Sun May 31, 2020 3:17 pm
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EthanHoover wrote a review...



Image

Hello again, Mahira! Ethan here for a review, brought to you by the gloriously earthy Team Raw Umber.

I loved this poem, it gave me a warm fuzzy feeling inside. It was very sentimental, and I really felt the emotions you must have had when writing this poem. And it overall flowed very well, too, so good job there as well!

That being said, I do have a couple minor technical critiques for you. First of all, the "......" did throw me off a little. Perhaps consider changing some of those to line breaks instead?

Also, I would probably go ahead and change the "u" to "you", just for propriety's sake. It's not a big deal, though.

Finally, I loved that last line, but it was a little clunky. Maybe try changing it to

But not the same way I once saw them,
Around me


Or something like that. Just a thought.

Anyway, all in all this is a wonderful poem! I'm really enjoying reading your stuff, and I'll try to get to your third poem soon. And as always, keep up the good work!

--Ethan, captain of Team Raw Umber




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Sun May 31, 2020 1:36 am
alliyah wrote a review...



Hi nanda,

This is a really sweet poem, I hope you were able to share it with at least some of your classmates as it's very touching.

There's a few minor formatting / phrasing things that I think could be changed to make the poem more impactful. First the use of ellipses (...) in poetry is often seen as a bit cliche or "over-dramatic" if you're going to use it properly it should just have three dots, but I would recommend just taking out the use of ellipses from your poem, there's no need for suspense in a poem like this, and it makes the poem seem hesitant rather than bold and expressive.

The other slight phrasing thing, is that I think the poem would communicate more sincerity if you spelled out "you" rather than "u" in stanza three.

Last, I think it's a bit distracting to have "Around Me" capitalized, maybe use italics or all-caps instead of just capitalizing those words.

I think my favorite lines in the poem are these,

"It may be a mere room
for those who don't sit here.
To me it's a heaven,


^ this is such a lovely metaphor, and really communicates how much the speaker loves the people they're with.

I also thought you did a really job of making this poem specific, you didn't just speak generally about why someone might like their classmates, but you spoke directly about tangible moments with them. This makes the poem feel even more sincere and adds a personal element to it as well.

One aspect that left me confused at the end is how the speaker is going to see them again, but not "around me" -- what does that mean? is the term ending or the class? This made me a bit confused as a reader, but I'm sure would make sense to the subjects of the poem.

Keep on writing! :) Let me know if you had any questions about my review.

- alliyah

Image




nanda says...


Hello alliyah! I am very happy to know that you liked my work! And thank you very much for suggesting improvements. I would certainly make those changes in future. And this poem was written by me when I was in 10th standard. So as we were being promoted to cls 11 lth and we had to choose our streams. So as our cls was going to get shuffled, I wrote it for my frnds who were going to be separated from me. Although we all would be in the same school we would be no more
together. So I won't be able to see them 'around me'.



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Fri May 29, 2020 5:45 am
nanda says...



This poem means a lot to me, guyz! I just wish that all those who read it love it as much as I do. Your love would be the real appreciation for this work of mine and I would feel highly grateful to you all for your love and kindness you show towards this piece of writing. And yes, if possible don't forget to post a comment or a review for it is then that you would be able to read another piece of writing from me! Please do like,comment or review it guys and show your love!

Thank you
Mahira




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33 Reviews


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Fri May 29, 2020 5:44 am
nanda says...



This poem means a lot to me, guyz! I just wish that all those who read it love it as much as I do. Your love would be the real appreciation for this work of mine and I would feel highly grateful to you all for your love and kindness you show towards this piece of writing. And yes, if possible don't forget to post a comment or a review for it is then that you would be able to read another piece of writing from me!

Thank you
Mahira




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Thu May 28, 2020 3:11 pm
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Beautifulsparkle wrote a review...



Hello, i am here to review this poem. I liked it very much because i believe it is very genuine and heartfelt. I love how much unity between you and your classmates this poem inspires. It is wonderful to share secrets with friends or to laugh with them. I like how you compare school with paradise, it reminds me of when i was in school and listened mirthfully to everyone round me.
My favourite line is

"The studious and the notorious
the lethargic and the curious
all around me!"

These lines describe classmates and take me down memory lane of my times in class where i attentively studied the people around me looking to classify them into categories based on their personalities and how they acted. That line about cake brought to the surface almost forgotten memories of mine...that time i made fruit salad with my classmates. It was delicious we even added whipped cream.
You ended the poem beautifully, knowing that time will pass, and you won't see them forever but in a way they'll be in your heart. Life is full of surprises and loves to be mysterious. You never know the people who you will meet or the people who you will remeet, but overall, despite the trials, the gift of life is a fascinating, thrilling, wonderful experience.And this poem is amazing.




nanda says...


Thank you so much. It gives me immense pleasure and satisfaction to learn that you liked my poetry. Such appreciation means a lot!!




Meet me in Montauk.
— Charlie Kaufman