Young Writers Society

Well written!
There's no clarity of the future and one shouldn't be stuck in the past, the only way we can escape from overthinking about them is to live today, which you brought out through this poem. I particularly liked the last stanza. It is quite optimistic mixed with hope.

One thing I felt that was out of place is that in the first stanza there's a sudden shift from describing the sufferings and unforeseen obstacles to a cheerful tone. I think in the following line you could change 'breathe' to 'breath'.
"Every breathe of yours, every moment you live"

Apart from this, I enjoyed reading the poem. Keep writing!

Best wishes,
I

Hello!

I loved it! It made me feel alive, despite what we are living, I felt it! I would say your poem feels like hope.

Hi nanda,Welcome to YWS!

I am here for a review...

So there were three wonderful paragraphs in your poem.
To be honest I would like to say that your poem really made it read it forcefully .
It was so good that i could not really resist it.
I have read a number of poems of the similar topic ,but the thing which was missing in those were here in this poem. At the very first line only i was sooo very impressed with you !
"I see the world through closed windows,
I see misery and hardships."
I can just simply say three words for your poem...Lovely,wonderful and Fabulous !!

Thank u for writing this!
From Sulagna

Hello once again, Mahira! Ethan here for a review, brought to you by the gloriously earthy Team Raw Umber.

Okay, so another great poem here! I think most of us can relate to it with the current crisis, and you did a wonderful job expressing the emotions it's making you feel. It was very inspirational.

I only have a few critiques for you this time. First of all, "breathe" should be "breath". Second of all, the "...." in the second verse threw me off. As with your poem "Around Me", I'd suggest replacing it with a line break. Finally, the last line ends with two exclamation points, which isn't really grammatically correct. I'd change it to either "!!!" or "!".

But with those tiny errors aside, it was a really wonderful poem! You have a real gift for poetry, so keep it up! And feel free to ping me with your future poems if you want me to review them.

--Ethan, captain of Team Raw Umber

Hi this Kahlene, I am here to review your poem ^-^

So, I was wondering, does this poem involve Covid-19? I thought this because in your first 3 stanzas you wrote, "I see the world through closed windows, I see misery and hardships. I see all the sufferings, it is filled with." it seemed like you were talking about quarantine. If so, I like how you brought the way we all have to see the world now, through closed windows.

Also, I love the way you have let's live today repeats. This shows you want this message to stand out. This is a brilliant way to show your message. You have been using modern literature throughout the poem until the last few stanzas you used classic literature. While writing you should stick to one type of writing style. The poem needs a bit more literary devices to make it stand out more, to bring the message a little more "PAZASS" you know what I mean? This is merely a suggestion, you do not have to comply with it if you don't want to.

On a positive view, this is a great poem! I like how you made this poem to encourage people that life goes on and they should live it to the happiest way they should. This poem really is something, it can help you if you are having a bad day.

I hope you continue writing so I can read and review them! I hope you have a good day!

Hey Nanda!

I found this poem a little bit dry, to be honest. It feels like it is trying to convey a very powerful message, but it would have a lot more impact if it contained a few more poetic techniques; metaphors, imagery, something to create a strong image or evoke some kind of sensory aspect.

The language changes in the last verse in a really odd way. It suddenly switches to the archaic 'thyself' without there really seeming to be a reason for it. Words like 'surrender' and 'bestow' conflict with the simplistic language of the earlier verses, in a way that makes it sound like they're not really the narrators words at all, but rather, something imitated for the purpose of creating a grand effect.

There's definitely a strong message to be carried, which is communicated clearly. I feel like these words would have a positive impact on those who are currently experiencing these things and take comfort in religion, but might not conjure the same reaction for those who don't already have a religious background.

I really like the repetition of "Let's live today." It really enhances the message of the piece and what you're trying to say. I especially like the third stanza, because I'm religious myself. It really spoke to me.

I think the beginning could be a little stronger. Three lines starting with "I" reads a tad weak. Even swapping the order, ex: "Through closed windows, I see the world." Just starting with bigger subject can make a huge difference.

Hello, i am here to review this poem. I believe it is a very beautiful poem and very realistic as it talks about the misery and hardships of life, not shying away from such topics while at the same time encouraging to live for the present as tomorrow is not guaranteed. I like how you said "Let's cherish the old memories and be nostalgic of the good old days" because it brings many happy memories to the surface of my mind, with many treasured people that have always been there for me. I absolutely love how you ended the poem, in fact these are my favourite lines.

"Every breathe of yours, every moment you live,
To you it is the almighty's most precious gift.
Surrender thyself before Him,
Who bestows you with this gift of life everyday.
And with a heart filled with new hopes,

Let's live today!!"

I love them because you tell about surrendering oneself to the Almighty and about the importance of the gift of life. Beautiful poem!