Chapter 7: Out of the shadows
(Location: Lunar Airship above central region of Phoenix City)
Airships were the advanced versions of air balloons. They did not use air but, instead ran on engines and turbines. In appearance they were similar to air balloons, but inside there would be more space since the majority of it would no longer be occupied with air.
The Lunar airship floated silently above the skyscrapers of central region. Claw sat on his chair viewing several files. A circle began to draw itself in front of his vision. Once the circle was complete light poured out of it. The whole circle turned a blue colour and through it came the figure of a man.
Claw stood and addressed the man formally, “Welcome Lord Patience. I was expecting your arrival. Have the pillars finished arriving yet? Each successive one is causing greater atmospheric disturbance. Soon more people will start to pick up on it.”
Lord Patience spoke calmly as befitting his name, “There are a few more left. How have things been getting on for you? Have you found the book yet?”
“I am afraid we are still closing in on it. We will have it soon.”
“Get the book immediately. If it falls into the wrong hands all our plans will be for nought. How is your recruitment going?”
“It is going well…” Claw paused slightly as if unsure whether to continue. But he decided it was too late to hold back so he might as well say it all. “We have some enthusiastic new recruits but there are many who refuse to come. We have taken them by force. They will soon join our cause. After all they have no choice in the matter. It is not like they are humans any more, they are one of us.”
“Good. Now I have some urgent news. Regardless of all our plans there are some who will hinder us. Four in particular will cross our paths all too soon if we do not kill them.”
Claw’s eyebrows moved closer. “Who are they?”
“The first is a man called Lucas. He is twenty-three years old, blonde of hair with emerald eyes. He is tall and well built. He is with Mia Hasagua (Huss-sah-goo-ah). For now she is unconscious. Not dead as your king thought. You know full well what she will do once she awakens. The third is a child called Nicole. She is twenty-two years old. She is short with brown skin and raven black hair. The final person is called Max Rogers. He is well built and very capable in combat. He has tan brown skin and dark brown hair. All four of these people must be killed immediately. They are about to interfere in our plans.”
“Are you sure?”
“Fool, don’t dare question me. I have seen the timeline. I see no lies. I see them being troublesome to us. Question me again and I will have your head!”
The portal opened again and Lord Patience disappeared into it. Claw turned and picked up his phone, intent on committing unspeakable sins.
(Location: Valcarry 1, Time: 11:00 a.m.)
Valcarry (Vowel-cree) 1 was the largest airship in existence. The second largest was owned by David Emprarrio and it could hold one thousand people in it. But Valcarry 1 was far superior, being able to hold just over two thousand people.
Lucas awoke in a comfy bed, with a tray full of food beside him. He remembered passing out at the House of Elrah, the previous night. The smoke had been too much for him. He got up out of bed and looked around. He went to his balcony and looked out. He recognised Valcarry 1, there were few who couldn’t.
He walked out into the corridors and to the main room. He knew the way. He had seen a walkthrough of the airship, on television before. He came to the main room. It was as huge as he remembered it. He could see out of the huge windows, which covered the front half of the room. He was at the front of the Valcarry. In the room there were computer at the sides. There was a café and a lounge area.
Busy people in suits ran to and fro running their errands. The man Lucas was looking for saw him first. David Johns, the owner of Valcarry 1, walked up to him and patted his back. Lucas was slightly taken aback. David Johns was a rich man yet he dressed simply in a white shirt and white trousers. He had a simple circular top hat and carried a wooden walking stick. He had a pleasant smile.
“I see you are awake. That is good….”
“Please, I don’t mean to be rude but I need to know what is going on?”
“All in good time my boy, in good time.”
“No I need to know now!” shouted Lucas. All the rage and anger from the previous night began to well up inside him.
“I see,” exclaimed David Johns, “Well then we better get to it. The House of Elrah was burnt down last night. Police are investigating but not a single person has a clue as to what happened. There were no survivors as far as they know although there is you and that stunning woman who was with you. But I won’t be handing either of you over just yet. Lady Elrah was a dear friend of mine. I will personally deal with the vile people that are behind her demise. Is that enough or do you need more?”
“I see…. Everyone is gone, including Lady Elrah. But who would do this? The House of Elrah was just an orphanage. It had over three hundred orphans there. How could they just kill all of them and for what!” stammered Lucas.
David Johns sighed. “It was not always an orphanage. When Lord Elrah was alive it was home of the noble family of Elrah. It was after his death that Lady Elrah changed it seeing as they had no heirs. Even whilst running the orphanage she still had enemies. A noble family always has enemies. But it can’t be any of them in my opinion. Whoever did this was so good they managed to burn everything down in the dark of the night and not a soul knows anything about it. By the way Lucas, that is your name, is it not? I checked the database that is uploaded in the government. That woman who is with you, who is she?”
Lucas stared blankly. He decided he couldn’t lie to David Johns after all his help.
“I honestly don’t know.”
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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I like that we finally have a 'bad guy' which links in and has succeeded in explaining how your other characters come together. I think this chapter has finally turned it into a completely flowing plot line, even if we don't know the exact who, what, whys and whens! There's not anything particular that I'd change here because I think everything you've got is important to the story. There's a couple of little sentence structure bits that I'm sure you'll pick up on as you re-read and edit. I like that we have sufficient background about Lady Elrah and the house itself, which I thought was missing slightly in previous chapters. David Johns seems like a decent character too and has provided a good cause for information.
On a writer's note; I'd recommend (if you haven't already done so), creating character profiles with detailed information about all the character's you're going to use. Just for your personal use. Perhaps just take scraps of information from each of your chapters and put them into profiles that you can refer back to. This will help keep track with so many characters being used.
Greetings!
So, we've started at last to get the hang of this. This is getting really interesting. there are still a few places where commas are needed but as you said, you wrote all this while it was still 'flourishing' in your head.
I get that he's the Antagonist; and he has some mysterious power of being able to fore-tell who will stand as barriers to his cause BUT why is he describing their physical appearances like an omniscient narrator? that , I feel, doesn't click.
Other then that there isn't much to say. it's really good.
Looking forward to reading the next chapter.
Puck
Hi there!
*I love it when this happens. Someone is left in the dark and begs for answers, but they're not given any. And then they get all mad and they get answers.
So the house of Elrah is an important place, or was at one point in time. Interesting. It makes sense now why that place would get attacked. At first it seemed a little cruel for someone to burn down an orphanage, but now it makes sense.
I love the ending of your chapters as well. There's always a cliff hanger or something there that makes me want to read more. I always try to do that with my novels.
Keep writing!
**Noelle**