To all readers of this novel, i have had questions as to what the novel is actually about, descriptions of places and people. All that will be revealed soon. The thing about the people and places is that i will describe them when they are most necessary. The plot itself is slowly being pieced together by different characters. These next two chapters definitely brush over it. soon everything will be made clear. The start is low because it is there to introduce the characters. Once that is done, things will move at a much quicker pace. Thanks for your helpful comments so far.
Chapter 5: The dominoes start to fall
(Location: USA commanding HQ Gamma, Time: 6:00 a.m.)
The officer spoke without pause delivering all the relevant information.
“Base sixteen was destroyed last month. In total there were two thousands soldiers there, six hundred robots and eight hundred scientists. There were no survivors. We now know they were investigating something. They picked up strange energy patterns across the globe resonating from certain points. They were attempting to make sense of the readings when they were attacked. It is clear the attackers wanted to keep the energy readings a secret because the last survivors of the base sent us the information. But the attackers hacked and deleted half of the message. We only know about the energy patterns from the first half. We can assume the second half gave more detail. What is your orders commander?”
Commander Splora sat very still on her chair. She was about to speak when she was interrupted by a message. As soon as she read the message she stood up and left. Before she left she turned and said, “The President has arrived without notice. I must go and meet her immediately. I will give you your orders when I return.”
President Sophie Davidson sat with her back straight, her hawk eyes scanning the room and the guards stationed around. Her assistant Mr Mirror stood behind her. He wore a black suit with a rose clipped to his chest pocket. Commander Splora entered and took her seat.
“Madam President, I hope you have been received well and that….”
“I did not come to exchange common courtesies. I know about the attack and destruction of Base sixteen. I have come regarding the next mode of action.”
“Word travels fast. I didn’t realise it was such a big deal that you decided to get involved.”
Splora eyed Sophie carefully. In ways they were the same and yet so different. She was the soldier who became a captain turned sub-commander who was now commander who had fought in the front line and prevented world war six from breaking out. She had played the role of a soldier on the field and it was her actions that had steered the world towards the peace it had today.
However, at the same time Sophie Davidson was the politician who had pursued peace. She was ruthless and it was thanks to her that Splora’s actions had not been wasted. Sophie was now forty-eight years old but she had been the youngest president when she came into office at the age of thirty-nine. Twice she had been re-elected. Splora was similar in the fact that she was the youngest commander of such a huge force, one quarter of the USA military force, at the age of thirty-two.
They were the best of allies and the worst of rivals in ways. This was the first time it appeared as though they were about to clash.
Sophie spoke slowly and calmly. “I suspect you will want to inform the families of the dead soldiers but that won’t be happening. If word gets out that an entire base was destroyed and that we have no clues as to who did it, the situation would be catastrophic.”
Splora frowned. “So you would lie to the families? Is that not immoral?”
“Not really. If we tell the families all they will do is mourn them. That can happen later.”
“All those soldiers died fighting and you want to insult them like this.”
“Exactly, they all died fighting. Why would we waste their sacrifices? If we go out and announce this publicly then their deaths would have been in vain.”
“I don’t follow”
“Well that is of little importance. You will investigate who did this and get to the bottom of it. As of now the operation is under wraps until I say so.”
“Aren’t you stepping out of your line Madam President? I command the Gamma HQ.”
“Oh dear commander, you of all people should know what I am capable of. It would not be wise to cross my path when it was me that bought you to your position today.”
“I see,” replied Splora, “you are resorting to black mailing now are you?”
“When national security is at risk I have no choice. I will be taking my leave.”
Sophie Davidson left followed by her assistant. Splora returned to her commanding room in a fury. When the officer saw her approach he knew better than to pester her. He waited a while allowing her time to collect herself. Finally Splora spoke.
“Make sure this is kept top secret. No one will know. Do not……… do not inform the families either. Send out our agents immediately to investigate. Also with the energy disturbances there is a good chance other stations picked them up, maybe weather stations, geological stations and some laboratories that may be situated in mountains. Look around. Find any part of the trail and get back to me as soon as possible. I am on three days of leave. But you know how to contact me if you need me. The sub-commanders will deal with things in my absence. I will also contact you daily for reports.”
“Yes commander, understood. If I may, may I know where you are going so I can put in down in the register?” enquired the officer timidly.
“I am going to Phoenix City.” replied Splora as she turned and stormed out of the room. She hadn’t wanted to be commander ever. She only took the position because she genuinely thought she could prevent any further war efforts. But with the way the President hoarded her power over her she might as well be a lifeless puppet.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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I'm just going to dive straight in and comment as I'm reading through it!

1. 'We now know they were investigating something' The character probably already knew they were investigating something if there was scientists etc. so I doubt she would use a sentence like this while addressing other people. If you want you could use a sentence such as 'We now know what they were investigating'?
2. ' I didn’t realise it was such a big deal' this is a commander talking to a president of a country, avoid using speech that doesn't fit in with the character. They're talking about a formal, serious breech in security and given the position of power each of the characters holds, I don't think the phrase 'a big deal' is formal enough.
3.I like that both of these character's are a bit more fleshed out. The commander is slightly easier to connect with from a reader's point of view and you can see her frustration. The President is a bit more closed off but if she's not a huge character then I don't think she's of immense importance!
-goes to read more-
Hey Myst,
I agree with the back sheep. it was good seeing you settle for one scene for a change.
I really don't have a lot to say about this chp...just a couple of stuff though.
either it should be what are your orders commander? or what is your order commander?
These couple of lines tell more that we think they do. A president of the USA can't get re-elected twice ( because it's in the constitution that one person cannot be the president for more then two times) which brings us to the prospect that this might be in the future where the constitution might have been amended. Now I'm hooked.
okay, now onto the next one.
Puck
Hi there!
I really hate this president lady. I hate her so much I'm not even going to bother using her name. She's too concerned about how the base incident will effect her and how she's viewed by the public that she won't tell the families about the lost soldiers. That's just cruel and inhumane. I want to punch her in the face.
Okay, enough about how much I hate this president. This chapter is a good continuation seeing as it begins to knit everything together. Now whatever is going on is spreading and everyone is getting involved. I wonder if this all has to do with the book or if some other things are coincidental.
Alrighty, onto the next chapter.
Keep writing!
**Noelle**
Hey, I definitely like how you stayed in the same location. We got to know the characters a lot better. Before it seemed like I'd just be getting into them before you would switch perspectives on us. haha.
At this point we still can't tell how this accident connects to the rest of the characters. We've got a model, a streetracer, a magical girl who has visions and a book and stuff, and now these military folk and the president. I still have to keep reading on to see any part of a connection.
So I will do just that, see you next chapter x)