One Breath and it's Gone

I don't expect this to be great in any sense, heck I don't even expect it to be good. I mean, it's 2 in the morning my time and I've been binge watching Quantico on Netflix all day to give you some insight. I also wrote this with the lack of sleep, dry eyes that I cant seem to get relief from and a broken heart because someone made an innocent gesture but didn't realize the effects it would have. So, all that said, this is really raw -deeply personal but not, all at the same time. Feel free to tear it apart, analyze it, critique it, relate to it if you can. Give me you're feedback, and then move on to the next piece, while you let this one simmer on the back burner. Or don't. You're the readers now, you decide if it's a make or break case. Just enjoy. ---Myjaspercat. 

You trust people. You don't know why and you really have no reason to, but you do -that's what makes us human, in it's weird slightly twisted way- the trusting between one person and another. And I'm not just talking about trusting someone with a petty middle school crush name, or trusting someone with the secret to a surprise present. I'm talking about trusting people with your life, with deeper secrets that can make or break you, with everything. And with one flip of a coin that trust will break you. Sometimes it's small -maybe just a little fissure. But then there are times when the trust broken hurts deeper, like a stab in the back, to be cliché. And it leaves your mind spinning, round and round -like gears inside your head that won't stop turning. You don't know what to do with that, don't know how to make the wheels stop. Don't know how to fuse together both parts of a broken whole.

So you self-destruct. It may not be on the surface, people may not notice or suspect. But it's there. You're doing it. With every thought you turn against yourself, because you think you have nothing left. Nothing to live for. You think that the one person you trusted the most left you stranded on an island that you can't seem to swim away from. Every current only drags you back to shore. And you're trying. God, you're trying so hard to swim away. But you keep slipping on the gravel of the ocean floor and the waves pull you under -suffocating you- filling your lungs with the salty taste of defeat.

And so you give up. Whatever that means to you. Maybe it's laying in a tub full of water, sliver blade lined against the veins of your wrist. Maybe it's making the initial cut -deep enough to compromise that life line. Or maybe it's tying the rope, not one, not two but three times around your neck and then tossing it over a beam or anything you have handy. Maybe your answer -your giving up- isn't giving up on life itself but giving up on prospects of the adventure. That you throw away everything you have gained, to turn to drugs, or addiction, or nothing. Where you'll just waste away in a dark room or waste away inside yourself, until everything you have is gone. You're no longer a person. You're nothing. And nothing's what you want to be.

Trust. It's earned, through rigorous self-evaluation and peer mediation. It's a staple to our social interactions, it moves our daily lives and our society. Everyone trusts someone,whether they admit or not. Yet, it's so easy to lose for being so hard to find. One regretful stroke on a keyboard. One drunken decision. One hurt filled text. One click of a mouse. One eye blink. One breath and it's gone.

However, the point is that you're not alone. Out there someone is also wasting away to nothing because they gave up. They decided that one stupid person, one misguided action, determined those of everyone else in the world. Because they trusted someone, just like you did, with something they've never trusted someone with in their entire life and that person broke it.

But don't worry. There are over 7 billion people on this planet. 7 billion. That's a lot. And just like you, the trust that they had with another of 7 billion has been broken. We've all experienced heartbreak, pain, love and fear. We can relate to one another. You just need to find out who you relate to the most. It may take a bit of time, as the saying goes "there's plenty of fish in the sea," and statistically there are. You just have to learn to cast your line and wait for the right bite and the right moment to reel in. Not to early but not to late either. Don't worry. You'll make it off that island, maybe after a couple of days or weeks, even months. Yeah you might starve a bit, might dehydrate a lot -even turn to those wholesome survivalist tips of drinking your own pee. But you'll get off the island and move to an even bigger one. Then you'll keep on living, damaged but living. And you'll be fine.

Trust me.

**I'm aware that my dashes should be longer, however the writing app installed on my laptop doesn't seem to recognize any other way of writing it and I cant seem to change that. Thank you.**