Monday- 12:30 pm
I was told to write down my thoughts and feelings. They said that it would help me get better. In my opinion, it's stupid, this whole idea of writing what I feel. Like for real, if I wanted them to know I would have told them. But no one would understand anyways, so what's the point.
Tuesday- 7:00 am
I hate them. I hate this. I hate my mother for putting me into this situation. Nothing's wrong with me, why do they all think I need help. Can't they see I don’t want it? I'm fine. I tried to tell them that, when my mother first brought me here, but they said that's what they all say. The lady who took my bag from my mother's hands looked at me and gave me a small smile. Kind of as if she was looking at me with pity. I hate that. The look. The small smile. I hate feeling helpless and damaged.
Tuesday- 4:24 pm
I'm in trouble. I've been told to write down why I decided to do what I did. Ha, if only they knew. Besides, putting that fake spider in Alyssa's saladbefore serving it to her was worth it. To see her shriek and toss the plate in the air, priceless. You know I hate her, so much. No matter where you go there is always a queen bee and here that's Alyssa. Ever since I've come here she keeps finding a way to make my life miserable. Keeps making me feel worthless. Today was her payback, not nearly cruel enough that she deserves, but payback.
Thursday- 2:45 am
I can't sleep. It's hard to when I can't get my heart to stop racing. I'm tired all the time now. The meds they put me on have dulled my mind, make me feel less human. Everyday they hand that little white cup with the red and blue pills from a bottle that I can never see. They make me take them, then they check my mouth to make sure I swallowed and that I'm not hiding them underneath my tongue or behind my cheek. They never tell me what the pills are for. They never tell me anything anymore.
Thursday- 6:00pm
Tomorrow's visitation day. I know my mother won't come. She stopped coming after the first few weeks. I guess it's to hard for her to see her only daughter locked up in a mental health hospital. I don’t know why. She put me here, least she could do is help me and see it through. She even stopped calling. I think she's given up on me. I know I have. I don't understand anything anymore. I regret everything. Every single scar that marks my body. I was stupid to think that I could bleed away the pain that others have caused me. Maybe the meds are working. Maybe it's this stupid journal. Whatever the cause, I'm not so depressed anymore.
Saturday- 1:00 am
I lied. What I said about not being depressed anymore, I lied about it. I just couldn't see the truth, but I see it now. Mother did come yesterday. She came smiling with her new husband on her arm. She told me they got married two months ago. I never even knew. She even told me she was pregnant. A girl none the less. She told me my treatment was working, that I'd get to leave soon. Then she proceeded to tell me that I had an apartment waiting. I asked her what she meant, why I couldn't just come home and stay in my old room and she told me that I would be a bad influence on the new baby. That she couldn't have someone with my issues around her family. BUT I THOUGHT I WAS HER FAMILY. I guess it doesn’t matter if I live anymore... I guess she wouldn't even notice...
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140,138 Literary Works • 673,032 Reviews
I agree with all guys, and their mind! You have a great stuff) Thank you very much for this truth content and your emotions!
Firstly, great job on such a creative,unique idea. Formatting the story as a journal was a such a great move and makes you get to know the character on level beyond any other format or point-of-view could have I think. I think you captured what living with depression and anxiety is like very well.
If I could give any notes, if would be to maybe develop the character's voice even more. What is her own personal way or phrasing/saying things? Also, there are a few punctuation mistakes. Pretty minor, but still tend to take you out of the story. I think if you do a careful read-through you'll catch them all. I'd also suggest splitting the last sentence into two complete sentence.
"It doesn't matter if I live anymore. I guess she wouldn't even notice." Other than those few things, great job! Keep up the good work!
- Sofia
Firstly, great job on such a creative,unique idea. Formatting the story as a journal was a such a great move and makes you get to know the character on level beyond any other format or point-of-view could have I think. I think you captured what living with depression and anxiety is like very well.
If I could give any notes, if would be to maybe develop the character's voice even more. What is her own personal way or phrasing/saying things? Also, there are a few punctuation mistakes. Pretty minor, but still tend to take you out of the story. I think if you do a careful read-through you'll catch them all. I'd also suggest splitting the last sentence into two complete sentence.
"It doesn't matter if I live anymore. I guess she wouldn't even notice." Other than those few things, great job! Keep up the good work!
- Sofia
Firstly, great job on such a creative,unique idea. Formatting the story as a journal was a such a great move and makes you get to know the character on level beyond any other format or point-of-view could have I think. I think you captured what living with depression and anxiety is like very well.
If I could give any notes, if would be to maybe develop the character's voice even more. What is her own personal way or phrasing/saying things? Also, there are a few punctuation mistakes. Pretty minor, but still tend to take you out of the story. I think if you do a careful read-through you'll catch them all. I'd also suggest splitting the last sentence into two complete sentence.
"It doesn't matter if I live anymore. I guess she wouldn't even notice." Other than those few things, great job! Keep up the good work!
- Sofia
Firstly, great job on such a creative,unique idea. Formatting the story as a journal was a such a great move and makes you get to know the character on level beyond any other format or point-of-view could have I think. I think you captured what living with depression and anxiety is like very well.
If I could give any notes, if would be to maybe develop the character's voice even more. What is her own personal way or phrasing/saying things? Also, there are a few punctuation mistakes. Pretty minor, but still tend to take you out of the story. I think if you do a careful read-through you'll catch them all. I'd also suggest splitting the last sentence into two complete sentence.
"It doesn't matter if I live anymore. I guess she wouldn't even notice." Other than those few things, great job! Keep up the good work!
- Sofia
Greetings from The Swordsman!
This was an interesting piece. I have to admit. Knowing someone with depression, I have an understanding of the mindset that they have sometimes. I can say that you have captured that feeling quite well. There are those that know they're depressed and let it consume them, and there are others that try to bury it and hide the pain. I think that your character is the second of these types. She seems to be in denial that she had depression until the last entry.
Using the idea of reading the journal that the main character was reading as the medium to tell the story was a good choice in this regard. Makes me wonder what happened after the last entry. Did she decide to move into the apartment? Did she decide that it was all too hard and end it? The way that you leave the story allows the reader to decide for themselves what the end is.
I have to say that I don't really like the mother. It doesn't seem together. At first her mother is trying to help her daughter by putting her in this mental hospital, and by the end of it she is throwing her to the curb because she has a new family. I guess it's possible that she put her daughter in the mental hospital so that she wouldn't have to deal with it anymore. But I don't know. It just doesn't seem to fit.
Believe it or not I would actually like to see more to this story. I think that there is an entire book in this small section. The every day life of someone with depression and is now out on their own because their family has thrown them out for being a "bad influence." It has a certain idea to it. The entire thing could be in the continued journals that the main character writes.
I really liked this story and it had a rather sad truth to it, that people who don't have depression just don't understand what is going on with those that do. Thank you for sharing this story with us.
Happy Writing!
thank you for you review.
I love the idea of this so much! It's so passionate and it spoke to me on an emotional level. You did a very good job! However, I would like to note that some of the punctuation is a little off, though it's very minor. I would also suggest rereading some of the things here; Some of the sentences sound a little strange when reading them though this may just be me.
An example of the punctuation is this; "Why do they all think I need help." It feels very strange to read it with a period, because it isn't read as a question. A question mark would be better here, the same goes for the "what's the point" part of the first entry.
As for sentences that sound very strange, only a couple of them sound strange to me. The two of them are: "The meds they put me on have dulled my mind, make me feel less human." and "To see her shriek and toss the plate in the air, priceless."
Otherwise, your work is very nice and I really love it. Keep up the good work! May you be smiled upon <3