A Smile's Worth a Thousand Words (part 1)

A/N: Hey so I haven't decided if I want to keep this a short story or make it into a longer novel. However if it stays a short I was thinking about making a collection of short's, but anyways tell me what you all think. I really appreciate the help. Thanks lovelies.

"Maybe redemption has stories to tell  Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell. Where can you run to escape from yourself? Where you gonna go? ...I dare you to move I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor."--Switchfoot/ Dare you to move

Friendship has this way of burrowing into your skin, planting itself and then feeding off of you as it continues to grow. Even when you think that it has died and left, it's still there; just gone dormant for the winter. I used to think that I would always be best friends with this girl named Kaylenn; it was like that saying goes, 'two peas in a pod'. All through out elementary school we did everything together, there never was a day when we were apart. Our mothers would laugh about how we would grow old and share a nursing home room. Back then I never really took much thought into what it meant to be a true friend, or even what it meant to be friends with some one like Kaylenn. You see she was always slower then the other kids in our class, she talked different, walked and even thought differently then everyone else. But I never noticed that, it was normal to me... she was normal to me. Until the fall of our sixth grade year we were inseparable, but that changed, and even though not for the better then, I believe for the better now. That split, that hibernation of friendship helped me grow up, showed me what it really meant to be a friend. This is my story, most of what I am not proud of, but it's the truth...

Six years ago, I stood looking up at the chipped, yellow words that read: Lincoln Middle School, and I remember taking in a huge breath of air. The entire summer before I kept talking about how starting my sixth grade year would change everything, but standing there I felt intimidated, maybe even a little nauseous. I remember curling my chubby little fingers around the door handle and, shaking a little, pulling open the heavy metal. Even though I wasn't alone, my twin standing next to me, I remember feeling so small, so out of place. That first step into the hallway of my new home for the next three years was the first, of many, big steps that I would take that year; and years to come. It was different to go from being one of the top 'dogs' to a little pup that knew nothing. 

As I made my way to the cafeteria,  where my older brother said every one hung out until the bell, I looked around in amazement. Their were lockers, and higher water fountains and kids who I could only assume were 8th graders stood like ten feet tall. Others, like me, also walked around with astonishment on their faces, and I searched each and every one for Kaylenn. I remember thinking that this was something I wanted to share with my best friend. It didn't take long to find her sitting at a table offset from the others, and though she looked the same as she did the week before, I knew something was wrong.  Maybe it was the group of girls who stood around her, or maybe it was the fact that she looked like she was about to cry, but something was wrong with my bestie and I had to help.

It's a little funny as I think about it now; my whole four-feet nine-inch self marching across the cafeteria floor, hands on my hips and lips set in a line. I bet I looked pretty intimidating to those girls; what with me wearing my favorite pair of pink-polka dotted stretch pants, a T-shirt that just had to say 'Hanna Montana Forever', and an I-Carly backpack slung across my shoulders. But that wasn't something I thought about that day, my looks. Instead, I marched right up to them and tapped the shoulder of the one next to me.

"What do you think you're doing." I asked as sternly as I could, back then.

The girl I tapped turned around to look at me, and as if sizing me up, crossed her arms and leaned to one side to get the full view of the sixth grader who just touched her. That's when she smiled a smile that even to this day makes me cringe a little.

"Hey girls, look at this thing, sticking up for the retard." She laughed looking at the others behind her.

"Who are you calling a retard?" I asked, holding my ground.

"You know what, kid," The older girl leaned her face closer to mine, blonde hair falling out of a messy bun, spitting the word kid like it was some form of a disease, "if you want to associate with these kind of people, then be my guest. But let me tell you something, don't talk to me or my friends until you understand that retards, are exactly that, retarded. The girl over their wont do you any good, she wont get you places. Just remember that." With her last few words, the girl I later came to know as Jacqueline swiveled around and sauntered off, friends in tow. 

After they had left I walked over at sat next to my best friend. Putting an arm around her shoulders I pulled her in for a side hug. "You okay?"

Kaylenn looked at me, "yeah I'm fine," she replied in her usual, slower way, shrugging my arm off.

For the next few days, I thought a lot about what Jacqueline said. Every word just kept playing in my head, over and over, as if the needle of a recorded player got stuck and kept repeating the same phrase. After that day Kaylenn and I started to drift apart, every time I would look at her I would hear Jacqueline's whiny voice whisper the word 'retard' in my ear. I started to think more about fitting in and how being seen with some like Kaylenn would hurt my reputation.

Eventually I traded in my stretch pants and Hanna Montana T-shirts in for the latest of fashion. I threw out my I-Carly backpack and replaced it with a shoulder bag that barely held what I needed to carry to class. I made new friends and sat with them at lunch. I gossiped about other girls, giggled when a boy came over to talk to me and swapped lip glosses with my new bestie; my more popular bestie. Through it all I forgot about that first day conversation and eventually, for the next six years about Kaylenn; or really, what we used to be.