you are soaked in a twilight moon- the dark purple
hues refracting into star-shards,
white, broken, whole. significant only to itself.
-
the cluttered remains of our favorite memory is
darkening, oranges to black, pinks into absence.
fading color as proof of time, darkness
scattered into what could be called an anti-nova.
-
nothing new here to explore, only faded-out jeans,
gray blue and a color inbetween pain and love.
you have scattered the leftover fabric, both in our
feeble existence, but in the larger plane that makes
up galaxy and particle.
-
all these andromedas to constellations are superficial
to infite, scaling wise, it means nothing. maybe next time
you can take this absence into fruition.
-
black and void-deep, heartbreak and loss, i am running
to the sun, you are flying to the moon.
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Canary word: Present
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125,022 Literary Works • 672,757 Reviews
hey herb! In my trying to get better at reviewing poetry era still so this might be short but hopefully sweet!
I love the colour imagery throughput this, and the progression from the purple hues of twilight to the black darkness at the end of the poem. I think the colours are not only described beautifully, but also are really reflective of the tone change as we progress through the stanzas.
The only time I was less sure about the colours, was in this line
mostly because it didn't seem to fit as well with the other parallels of imagery you've been using. The 'absence' just didn't really work for me.
Also a big fan of the galaxy/space imagery and how well you've used it here. The whole poem felt a bit fantastical but in the best way, and grounded in very relatable emotion.
Thanks for sharing
Icy
hi. here's a review>
i love the poem. everything is very beautiful with the usage of highly descriptive words~
a quick grammar nitpick:
"remains" is plural so "is" should be "are".
back to the main part.
i love the usage of the second person pronoun in the poem. using it the first thing in the poem really draws me in. however, the first line ends rather abruptly because the "dark purple" into "hues" in the second line really throw the flow off which isn't apparent in the rest of the poem. i feel "the dark purple hues" in the first line would flow better or "dark purple hues" immediately without "the".
this line here is really nice but i feel it should be more parallel. if you decide to use plural form, it better applies to the whole line like "oranges to blacks" or "pinks into absences" and vice versa.
i like how it was going from jeans to the galaxy theme. it was interesting and nice contrast: concrete and abstract. i hope to see more of this symbolism from basic to otherworldly!
have a nice day!