i am forever yearning for a sense of "home" or
at least a "house". from infancy i was ripped from
what i would consider my hometown and placed into an
unforgiving "shelter" of a town, not home.
you and him have ruined my concept of fatherhood &
motherhood. you made me uninterested in playing house
as the father. only i could play the son, or i'd be raising
a tantrum. you both ruined my sense of self.
i am never the one raising the child, only ever being raised.
yet i still ask why you left us. mothers are cruel, i've learned.
at least, the ones in fables and such.
but also, mother hens are supposed to take care of their chicks.
so why did you leave me? why did you send me down the
stream? unforgivable in my eyes. but maybe you had necessity--
the need to give your chick a chance you never had. let me hatch
and become a beautiful rooster.
nevertheless, there is still a long way to get home.
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140,103 Literary Works • 673,002 Reviews
Hey century, coming in to review this amazing poem! Happy RevMo!
My first impression of this poem is how heartbreaking it is. It harkens back to when the narrator was a child, and you can really feel their feelings. It’s almost like seeing into the mind of a child, and you captured it perfectly. The tone overall is just wonderfully consistent and painful.
I will admit, to me, the quotation marks in the first paragraph seem a little unnecessary. Of course, I understand if that’s a stylistic choice, but it breaks the flow of the poem a bit.
I was so intrigued by the metaphors in the last stanza--I wish I could’ve seen more of it. It would be great if you integrated it throughout the poem, and added some more metaphors. It would add more interest, however of course, you don’t have to take any of my advice.
I also love how vague this feels, and how it could be applied to any number of situations. However, it does lead to a bit of confusion, and I was personally kind of confused by the third stanza. It brings back some of the earlier themes, but in doing so makes it a bit repetitive.
My favorite line has to be the last one. What a good line to end off with! It simultaneously incites questions and also wraps up the story.
Overall, I love this poem. The vagueness leaves me with so many questions, which is a great thing for a poem to do. The tone and mood is also very melancholic, which I loved. Can’t wait for more!
<3, Meenal (theromanticchemist)
the reason the house words are in quotes is to poke fun at them! a "home" could be temporary, same with "house" and "shelter"
third stanza serves the purpose of transitioning from childhood to stories/mother hens
thanks meenal!
Hello, I think this is a nice poem. I'm not the best at these review things but here we go, so, the first thing I'd point out would be how when you put quotes around word you go "." instead of '.' i have no idea if that is grammatically incorrect or not but I noticed it. The feelings of abandonment are very clear, and the part where the narrator is saying that his concept of mother & fatherhood is ruined is interesting because i haven't seen a metaphor like that before, it is contrasted with the more common metaphor about hens.