Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence.
if i threw up my intestines
poured poison down my throat
cut the airstream to my lungs
and reduced my kidneys to a pulp
if i cut off my tounge,
dismembered both my ears
drank my stomach acid
while breaking apart my pancreas
if i were to preform my own surgery
to my very own brain
all the while i whisper sweet words
as i lie to your face
when i pull my eyes out of my sockets
and break off all my ribs
would i be worth anything
worthy of being held inside your gaze
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Canary word: Present
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125,022 Literary Works • 672,757 Reviews
This poem is indeed extremely gory, but also very symbolical in my own point of view. I read it as if the narrator loves, obsesses, and hates the person they are speaking of.
"Threw up my intestines" reminds me of if someone love someone else, then they'll feel like something like butterflies are in their stomach and perhaps they hate that feeling.
"Poured poison down my throat" gives me the vibe of the narrator's throat being dry from the nervousness of being near the crush/admired person?
"Cut the air stream to my lungs" makes me think of when some people basically stop breathing around their crush.
The tongue-cutting part makes me imagine a character maybe trying to be more quiet/seeming to be more reserved to make them more attractive.
I'd probably say that the narrator struggles with a mental illness like depression or anxiety which causes them to want to hurt themselves because they hate themselves too much.
The last two lines were hitting way too hard for me. It's basically a call for desperation- to reach out for the receiver of those emotions to finally pay attention to them. The narrator definitely struggles with self worth, which really makes the poem more tragic.
Overall, this is a very tragic, dramatic, slightly relatable, and almost masochistic poem. I adore the entirety of the poem. You are an amazing writer/poet!
Wow. This is an incredible poem. I like the gore and the intensity. I really like how you expressed, if going through all this pain, would it make you good enough just for the gaze of your person.
I really liked your poem overall and I think you should write more like this.
Hello, my friend!
You have an awesome poem here. I feel like you really captured a sense of frustration and bitterness, with perhaps a bit of grief under the layers. The vivid imagery -as horrifying as it is- portrays someone fed up and done with being neglected by the world around them, and asks how far they will have to go to be acknowledged as something worthy --tearing themself apart to find what works, what sticks out.
*Ahem, as for a more technical review, no complaints about content or structure! You nailed the theme and the imagery, and everything flowed nicely. I would recommend a minor grammar touchup, like capitalizing your "I"s and perhaps making new sentences out of the "If I were to..." and "Would I be worth..." lines, and adding a question mark to the end there. Just to help things read more smoothly.
Of course, I am not a professional, so please take my advice with a grain of salt. The poem is great as it is too ~
As for choosing a favorite part, that would be hard! I'm a horror nut with a taste for gore; I loved every line here, how creative you got with it, and that you gave it all meaning at the end with that chilling question.
Love it!!
Overall, you've made an awesome poem with great meaning. Thanks for sharing it with us!
Simple and sweet poem, very nice!
I feel like there should be a few more punctuation marks as well as with capitalization, but overall it is very unique and I like it a lot!
The poem is nice and descriptive. It is sweet and gorey, a good look in my eyes. And the ending definitely adds to it a lot.
Keep it up!
ah, thanks!
i actually scarsely (if ever) use punctuation and capitilzation!
MEOW! Hello, friend! My name is Ellie and today I will be reviewing using my very own Black Cat Review Method! It is very similar to the incredible YWS S'more Method but I have Halloween-ified it and made it spooky! My little black cat friend, Vladimir, wants to offer his opinion on your amazing literary piece:
Mystical Witch Hat - What I See, Observe, and Interpret
Your poems are always wonderful, herb! So excited to be reviewing your poetry again. This was a gruesome, but very symbolic and meaningful poem. It describes a bunch of acts of harm a person could do to themselves and finishes with the question:
It seems to say, I could do anything, and you would still not see me. If I disappeared, was hurt, or left, would you even see me? Would that be enough for you to acknowledge me? I don’t interpret these as actual actions that this person is planning on doing, but more symbolic instead. Like changing who they are and making drastic life choices to try and win the attention of this person.
I wonder why this other person matters so much to them? It is it even a person at all…
Vladimir’s Advice - Suggestions for Improvement
Perhaps saying, “both of my ears” would flow better.
In this line, did you mean, “perform”?
Also, this was the only line with a , at the end. I wonder if you did that on purpose to show anything? Also tongue is spelt tongue instead of tounge.
Those are just a couple things I spotted
Jack O’Lanterns - My Favourite Parts and Praises
I absolutely love these lines:
The while and whisper, sweet and sounds, flow so well!the imagery of doing all of these painful, harmful acts, while lying at the same time, wow! These lines were beautiful herb, I love the,!
Black Cat Cuddles - Concluding Ideas and Thoughts
Overall, this was very engaging and creative! Wonderful poem, herb!
Your friend,
-Ellie
I hope you have a spook-tastical day, filled with black cat mischief!